Will, the strength of wanting
One of the great deficiencies of adolescents is the unwillingness. This results in the inability to resist immediate gratification, or in the temptation to have something that is desired at the time and not later to be able to achieve a better long-term goal.
If we work the Will with small patterns of daily behavior, specific and seemingly insignificant, we will make our children strong and disciplined people, who will achieve what they set out to do. Success or failure in life depends in large part on the will.
How willpower work
When the complicated stage of adolescence of our children arrives, among some significant changes that usually occur, there is one that especially exasperates parents: apathy. But that lack of will, typical of this stage, can be overcome with some tricks that help our children to recover their ability to face life. To understand how to act, it is essential to better understand how the will works.
The intelligence, motivation or even perseverance, are some of the characteristics that make the will possible, however none of them is essential for a person to acquire will (although it is recommended).
How many people do we know who, being brilliant, are vague? And yet, surely it also comes to mind those other people who, without being big heads, have achieved what they wanted in life. Of course, little by little, it is in this way that people get what they propose. The lucky shots they only occur in those moments when you are doing what you have to do, what you are working on. Picasso explained that his genius came from a little inspiration and many hours of work.
The will, is it born or is it made?
If something should be clear is that nobody is born with a will. Nor is it about something genetic. It is rather a characteristic that each one is acquiring. Therefore we can affirm that the will is done. Parents are always the best educators and as such, they have to know make learning attractive, know how to get excited in the effort. It seems complicated, but if you work every day we will get children who, besides being hardworking and willful, will be positive, because they will not let themselves be carried away by the first defeat they have to face.
But what is the will? Will is to love. It is determination to get something. It is, therefore, the ability to set goals, objectives and fulfill them. It is the firm and deep desire to achieve something, to give yourself body and soul and that, even if difficulties are encountered, do not abandon yourself.
Will 'of the good'
The will must be exercised in all stages of life, although in a special way in adolescence. Adolescents mature from personal struggle. But it is not enough to have much will. The education of the will includes orienting the will to the true good, in accordance with moral standards. It is about guiding the will, without confusing it with desire.
In order to educate the will, it is necessary to awaken in the children valuable reasons to do what they have to do. To achieve this, it is essential that we give them many opportunities to solve their difficulties on their own. In addition, we encourage the stimulation of their illusion with praise to the work well done, and encourage free acts, with repeated efforts and continuity in the task. This is how the so-called "good operating habits" (virtues).
Will and maturity are closely related. An immature person sets many goals, wants to achieve many things and yet does not finish any. However, a mature person gets very few goals at the same time but goes for them. He who has maturity wants something precise and well-founded, while the immature wants what he wants, because he does, without a well-thought-out base. Therefore, we must make our children mature people, determined people who want something and what they really want.
In order to achieve those objectives that we have proposed, it is interesting to know the difference between wanting and wanting. Desire is more emotional, more ephemeral, while wanting is an act of will, of decision. Therefore, it is necessary that the person wants it sincerely, with hard work and thus achieve what he wants. Carrying out these objectives requires a constant personal struggle, tenacious, daily ... We must make a certain "violence" with oneself to achieve those purposes that we propose. And we talk about violence because in the end, to get what you want, you have to know how to postpone the reward.
Isabel Rojas-Estapé. Psychotherapist