Couple: the thorns of the path of roses

Although they lived happily and ate partridges, the princes' path of roses was not free of thorns. A marriage is not an immovable structure from the moment you pronounce the "yes, I want". On the contrary, there are numerous changes around the couple that will generate small and large crises that must be overcome. The important thing is to know where the problem comes from and what are the possible solutions.

There is "love forever" and a "happy marriage" is possible, but the two realities are filled with moments of uncertainty, pain, even anger. Those who manage to overcome the thorns of the path of roses are those couples who know how to overcome the problems presented by life. We consider some of those most common stones in the way of families and how to try to avoid them.

Each one of his father and his mother

It is one of the most frequent crises of the first bars of the couple. Arises when starting the coexistence. The infatuation that deals with the great issues may not have stopped to look at those minute details that are perceived on a day to day basis. Oddly enough, there are many crises that marriages have to overcome because of such classic topics as open toothpaste or if the dinner plates are picked up or left in the pile. It is then when we discover that each one is "of his father and his mother". The educations received during all the preceding years are different and it shows.

To face this situation we need tespecially empathy. It is important to put yourself in the skin of the other to judge properly each situation. The assessment includes knowing if the other person is really aware that a certain attitude bothers us. Sometimes, possibly, or know that there is another way of doing things because in their parents' house they were like that. The dialogue has to be very fluid because if the details are not discussed, they can be encyst. But at the same time, one can never lose sight of the fact that these are matters of relative importance only.

The politic family

Although there are only the bride and groom at the altar, there is no doubt that the family also has in-laws, brothers-in-law, nephews and a whole pleiad with whom we did not count. If this situation is common in all marriages, even more in the Spanish culture in which family ties are very powerful and are maintained over time. The interference of one's family and politics in matters concerning marriage can cause serious tensions in certain circumstances. In addition, the spouses have the feeling of be between the sword and the wall, since they are due to both their elders and their partners.

In these cases, Dialogue is the most effective weapon to solve problems. But it should not be understood as a dialogue intended for the opposite to understand the political family, since it is unlikely to happen, but rather for the marriage to agree on minimum basic principles that can not be transgressed. As the situations are different and they will be presented many times throughout life, it is convenient to talk about each specific case, such as vacations, caring for grandchildren or the Christmas holidays. In any case, it is essential not to attack the spouse for the behavior of his family.

The son who does not arrive

Late marriages, the excessive use of anovulators in youth, the pace of work and the level of stress are generating a true epidemic of couples with fertility problems. That desire to have children in common that is positive and strengthens the relationship, can become a focus of conflict when, month after month, that child does not arrive, when pregnancies are frustrated. The sadness can be present in the life of that marriage. And from that sadness the distance easily arises since, in order not to cause more pain, one avoids mentioning a subject that remains latent in both. Sometimes, it leads to more or less explicit criticisms, towards the other, and can even end with a marriage if you do not know how to manage.

The best way to avoid this serious marriage crisis is not to delay the time of marriage and parenthood for causes such as the need to grow at work or reach a certain economic level. But if that circumstance can no longer be ignored and if the problem persists, it is essential to understand the value of marriage itself. Although the children suppose a wealth for the couple, the love of the spouses is not subordinated to having offspring. With this perspective in mind, the marriage bond will not waver in spite of the absence of children.

However, even if this marital breakdown has been avoided, the search for a child continues to be a situation of extreme stress. A good family counselor can help us overcome anxiety states and live them properly within the marriage.In addition, it will open avenues for dialogue and allow work on the subject so that it does not become entangled and hinder the relationship.

Alicia Gadea

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