Expectations in children, how to find the balance between stress and demand

Which parent does not want the best for their children? Who has not imagined their children in a high position or being the best in their work? Demand to the small ones the maximum yield will assure, in the long run, a good use in some excellent qualities. However, where is the limit? How can you prevent the desire to reach the highest from becoming stress?

We must find the balance between implementing standards to ensure responsibility in studies, and maximum performance, and another to turn these tasks into an excessive tedium. For this purpose, from the Julián de Ajuriaguerra Mental Health Center for Children and Adolescents of the Haurrentzat Association, the following tips are offered in order to learn demand.


Rules yes, but in its just measure

Part of the growth in children goes through teaching them to act and the rules that govern society. The authority of the parents is a fundamental tool to apply these rules that guarantee the maximum performance of the smallest. However, we must not lose sight of the meaning of these teachings: guide and Do not despair. For this reason, we must also apply patience and be flexible when it comes to educating.

However, the fear that children do not meet these expectations causes parents to put on too firm and perfection is demanded. This ends up causing stress in the little ones in the search to do everything well. On the other hand, in children there is a fear of doing things wrong and causing insecurity due to this rigidity in the transmission of norms.


The key? Experts from this center indicate that parents should stop and recognize the skills of their children, the mood of the little ones and fatigue. The elderly should know that it is not always possible to comply with everything and that sometimes the failure is possible. The mission is to not relax and to see to it that these rules are implemented, encouraging children to move forward.

The search for balance

It is very important to know the rigidity that is being applied at every moment and the direction that education is taking. These are some keys for it:

- Have clear rules in your head, but allowing exceptions to the rule.

- Remember that standards should not be protective and should be few, clear and coherent.

- Be flexible negotiating the rules with the children, respecting their preferences, but without forgetting the paternal authority.


- Remember the age and emotional state of the child and demand in accordance.

- Help and listen to children if they have difficulties with their behavior.

- Interpreting the bad behavior, will you say something, claim some attention ?.

- Use a sense of humor and tolerance in education standards.

- Exercise authority is to command, but also be an example.

- Do not use long speeches, yes security in decisions, keeping calm and listening.

- Be patient with their learning, giving them time and letting them know everything they want.

Damián Montero

Video: Rethinking Challenging Kids-Where There's a Skill There's a Way | J. Stuart Ablon | TEDxBeaconStreet


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