Median son syndrome, how to fix it
The elderly are responsible and responsible for the care of the rest, the small ones are the protected and, according to the prejudices, the spoiled ones. But what role is supposed to fulfill a medium son? What tasks do you usually relate to? There are many studies that indicate that the order of birth of children has an influence on the behavior of children.
In the case of medium It may be the case that they feel less attention from their relatives. While the eldest took great care to be the only and the smallest receive them to be the Benjamins, those who are in the middle can be seen in a kind of no man's land where they are not yet independent enough to stop needing this love that the first-born possess.
The average son
Which is the result to see yourself in the middle of this situation? Well, the mediums do not feel integrated into the family. While the elderly had many attentions and as they grow they no longer need them, the little ones are the ones who get all their eyes turned towards them (including those of the firstborn). This results in different situations, as indicated by the child psychologist Trinidad Aparicio Pérez:
- They try to attract attention and become rebels in reaction to the injustice they think they suffer.
- This feeling of postponement can affect their self-esteem, making them insecure and withdrawn children.
- Often they look outside the family nucleus, in the group of friends, for the attention they demand, so they are often the most independent of the family.
All these behaviors involve the so-called "median son syndrome". A series of behaviors related to being in the middle of two "generations of brothers" and not feeling that you are receiving all the care you need. However, far from being a harmful situation, these children can take advantage of it to own benefit.
Aparicio emphasizes that the fact of being in this situation allows the middle children to have greater freedom for the development of the personality, since they do not have any predefined role as that of the eldest, from whom it is deduced must be responsable. On the other hand, parents having more experience in childcare, can turn this knowledge to carry out a better teaching strategy on mediums.
What should parents do
As has been said before, parents must put all their previously acquired knowledge into the care of middle children. Parents must make these children understand the transition from being the little one to this new situation. A good formula for this is to get them to see that they now have a new responsibility, the care and teaching of the younger age.
These are other recommended attitudes in the care of middle children:
- Recognize the effort and congratulate the child when he does things right. This will make our son feel valued. It is one of the most effective ways to prevent the child from misbehaving to attract attention.
- Dedicate to each child in particular part of our time, talk with him, get interested in his hobbies, etc. The child should notice that we pay attention to him and that we care about him.
- We should not establish comparisons with their siblings or with other children. For example, if we have to scold them for having bad grades, we should never do so by comparing their grades with those of the brothers. With this, the only thing we will achieve is to generate resentment in the child.
- When establishing prizes and punishments, we must be as equitable as possible, always taking into account the age of the child.
Damián Montero
