Does adolescence have a good thing? 5 reasons for hope
It seems common to think of adolescence as a fearsome stage for any family. Parents have heard expressions of this kind so many times that, as children grow, fear begins to take over. And on the day they turn 13, we look forward to that day they rise up transformed into fearsome monsters that only speak with grunts and outbursts, eat fast and wear the most bizarre clothes possible ... possibly with the sole purpose of upsetting His parents.
The best years? In fact, anyone who has gone through the experience can reassure us, because nothing similar happens. It is true that they start to dress differently (in this sense, the prophecy may be fulfilled) and they also speak in an unintelligible way when they phone their friends ...
There are no perfect teenagers, but more than imagining these years as a horrible period, there is an attractive possibility: in many ways, they are the best years. In the future we will remember these years with pleasure, because, for example, it is the time in which the results of our educational work begin to be seen.
What is to be expected from these terrible years? What are those reasons for hope?
1. You can talk to them as adults. When children are small, everything must be filtered. When talking with them, we always think about whether they will understand it, if they are prepared for that explanation. With teenagers, however, everything can become a subject of conversation, both good and bad. As long as we remember that we are the parents -something very true when they are 4, 14 or 40 years old-, we can talk with them about what we want and without the need to give them endless sermons. We can tell you our reasons, what really worries us. Of course, we can not expect them to always agree with us, but at least we can have a much clearer idea of why they ignore us ... which is already a lot.
2. Memories One of the most surprising advantages of having teenage children is that they remind us of our own years of grains and roosters. There will always be experiences that we would like to forget but experiencing the teenage years again with our children makes us understand them much better. For example, it reminds us of all the fears and traumas that we have gone through, which, in most cases, were nonsense and unimportant things. And that will help us put the concerns and problems in their proper place. When we listen to our children, we hear as an echo of our own words not so long ago.
3. Knowing your friends Making our teenagers' home the favorite place is not so difficult and, in addition, it will make us spend curious moments as it can become a source of knowledge. With the friends of our children at home, we realize what the pressure of the group means (taking into account that our own son is also part of the pressure that the gang can exert at other times). In many ways, his friends are like a mirror of our own son and gives us the opportunity to look inside to see what he really thinks. Also, your friends do not know our tricks as well as our son and we can discover a lot of surprises.
4. Change Relationships Almost as fast as they manage the musical chain to find your favorite station, our son will soon leave the first years of adolescence. Having left behind the follies, the rebellions and the clashes, our relationship with them begins to change. Although we are still the parents, we will begin to relate to them as if they were more and more adults. We will find ourselves doing things with our teenagers that we would have done only with our friends before. And we will realize that it is much more fun to treat them now. The other side of the coin is that they will now be much more willing to tell us proud how they have fun during this time ... and we will end up horrified.
5. A new perspective on your values During the teenage years, our son begins the process of acquiring values and also begins to live them as an adult, not because his parents demand it. They already know what they have to live and how; Now it is necessary to discover the whys: the reasoning and arguments that motivate them to live them responsibly. And this is a vital pilgrimage. It is not something that we should separate, and it is very important that we continue talking about it with the young children: we will be surprised at how much we also learn. Guillermo Docabo Advisor: Bob Lockwood Specialist in adolescent issues