The children in love: hooked to their parents
There are children especially hooked to their parents who find it difficult to acquire a necessary autonomy. These are children who for years have been overprotected with the best of intentions. With enmesdadrados children, we can put into practice a special strategy that allows them to overcome the "anxiety to separation" that both limits them.
As usual, the children in love they are characterized by a common trait: they are small children who experience a disproportionate anxiety when they are separated real or supposedly from their loved ones and, especially, from their mother.
Being enmadrado is a defense mechanism
These types of feelings are considered positive always when they are kept within limits. For many experts it is even a protective mechanism of the child himself. That is, our little one wants to be by our side because, simply, he is aware that we will protect him and we will take care that nothing bad happens to him.
With the passage of time, this unique defense system is usually replaced by the typical "childhood fears". And it is that, the fear of the dark, the strangers ... they are not more than the form by means of which our little one, once he has begun to acquire certain autonomy, fights against everything that could harm him.
Paste the jump towards autonomy
The problems arise precisely when the child who has mamitis does not "make that inevitable jump" towards autonomy. Despite having five or six years, our little one continues to be hooked on "our skirts" and it is precisely the separation that he fears. Sometimes, this attachment reaches such a point that the child does not tolerate even the shortest separations as an afternoon alone with his grandparents while we do some negotiations, without going further, and becomes a drama that ends in tears and inconsolable pouts
When all these symptoms appear it is important to try to discover what the real problem of the child is.
The symptoms manifested by the children in love
These types of feelings usually manifest themselves in very specific ways. So, for example, if our child is a little bit of a child, he may express his fear of separation through nightmares nightmares. The theme of these dreams will always be the same: His mother leaves and does not come back or he returns, why not, he gets lost and can not find his parents.
It is also common for certain physical symptoms such as headaches, vomiting, etc. Some children, in addition, express their anxiety through tantrums, supplications and crying. And all with a single purpose: that your mother does not leave you even a single moment.
On many occasions, these children they refuse to go to school. Not because they do not like classes or classmates, but simply because they can not stand being away from their parents. As a general rule, distinguishing this problem from the classic "I do not like school" is easy because the "separation anxiety" usually emerges long before the fear of school.
There is always a reason why they are hooked on their parents
There are many reasons why a child might be enraged. Most likely, without realizing it, we have a certain tendency to Overprotect him too. This will have prevented him from acquiring a certain autonomy and, consequently, to begin to develop naturally in all those situations in which we are not present.
And is that when parents control our children in excess and do not give them the opportunity to be themselves who begin to solve their problems, the usual is that the child ends up becoming a small dependent and insecure.
If this is our case, we should encourage our son to be independent. Only then can you acquire the necessary maturity to face the difficulties that, without a doubt, will arise in your day to day.
Habitual trigger: a traumatic experience
Another reason you may be in love is because of a traumatic experience. Sometimes, family problems (a disease, for example) can become the most common trigger for this type of problem.
Also, if the child has suffered certain emotional deficiencies, he may experience a certain fear of being abandoned. This is the case of those children whose parents are especially dedicated to their work, who travel constantly, etc.
There are also certain typical situations that usually cause this type of defense mechanisms. The birth of a sibling, change of school or admission to a hospitalFor example, they can inevitably weaken our child's self-confidence and, therefore, lead to greater dependence on us.
Medicine for infants
The best medicine for a small baby is usually the support from their parents. It is demonstrated that there is nothing like the constant paternal support for a child to achieve that autonomy that he suffers so much.
And all this, yes, in a climate of stability that helps you feel safe at all times. That is, we can encourage our little one to go to his friends' house to play, but first he must feel completely safe: When he returns (the child must be absolutely aware of it) we will be at home waiting for him so he should not worry anymore than for having fun with other children.
A good trick in these cases is to accustom him little by little to spend some time with his grandparents or his cousins; with people, in short, where you trust and want. In this way, it will be much easier for you to learn to assimilate the "separation", even though "there can only be one mother".
Tips for unhooking children in love
1. Encourage your child's friends to come home to play. Once established a relationship of trust, it will cost much less to be the one who attends this type of appointment.
2. Never miss your word. If we promised the child to pick him up at a certain time, we will be there on time. Otherwise we would be encouraged their insecurity and dependence.
3. There is nothing better to learn to "separate" than to practice. If all weekends, for example, we leave our little one an hour with his grandparents there will come a time when not only do not suffer any anxiety but, on the contrary, will be looking forward to Saturday.
4. Do not behave in an unsafe manner in front of the child. Constantly transmitting our fears would end up transforming him into a child inevitably enmadrado and dependent.
5. Avoid constantly controlling your child. Even at home we must give it a certain independence and freedom. In this way, you will learn to be alone and not need our constant company.
If we have a trusted relative outside the city (grandparents, uncles, godparents ...) take the opportunity to take the child home. Spending a weekend with them may be the best way for our little one to start unraveling.
Advice: Teresa Artola. Pedagogue and psychologist