Impatient teenagers, why do I have to wait?
The children are not stupid and they are dedicated to testing how far they can go with their parents in order to satisfy their desires immediately; In many houses, they are the ones who really rule. It is not true that children generate frustrations or traumas by delaying or denying their requests, because they can not do everything they want and when they want it.
The waiting time: this is how seconds, minutes, hours, days ...
How to educate in waiting -or what is the same, in the virtues of patience and strength- demands a certain proportion between the time one should wait and the subject in question, the following tips may be useful, grouped by deadlines:
- Wait a few seconds.It is very typical for parents to interrupt the conversation with another person because a child wants to tell them something; and that does not help anything. It is convenient to explain to them: "Wait a moment, I am talking with this person, I'll answer you right away". If they do not know how to respect that conversation, it is not that they are spontaneous, it is that they are badly educated. The same happens when they talk with their classmates and friends; they have to wait for the other to finish speaking before "firing" them, if it is not impossible that they can listen and, therefore, answer truthfully.
- Wait a few minutes.The "I'm hungry, let's eat now", is not a reason to alter the family schedule or to "pass" those who are missing at the table. Learning to cope in life with a certain order in the hours teaches them to respect the time of others and to take advantage of their own, also when they do not feel like it. If they go with an organized excursion, the guide knows which places and times are suitable for making stops, and does not allow laziness to set the pace or break it.
- Wait a few hours."I want to go now!" Probably now you can not leave and you have to wait until the afternoon. This serves to moderate their impatience regarding the time to go to a friend's house, or the time to play with the computer. And it is also instructive not to let them do something they like until they have done their duty before, whether it is picking up the room, finishing homework or helping to clean the kitchen.
- Wait a few days.Except for urgent cases, buying clothes can wait for the most suitable day for the parents, especially if it implies some displacement around the city. Waiting for the Sabbath does not traumatize anyone, and there are many things in a family that it is not opportune to solve during the week. The "dictator" or the "dictator" can not impose on the obligations generated by the work schedule of the parents. And it makes children very confused to break the rhythm of classes and study that continue from Monday to Friday: it is preferable to concentrate on the weekend everything that clearly alters this regularity.
- Wait a few weeks.It is not always possible to ski, go camping or climb a mountain; bad weather imposes its laws, and the circumstances that surround us also. And it is necessary to explain them so that they can understand the reasons for delaying a trip or a planned plan with some advance. They must also understand that if they have failed an exam, they can not "disconnect" from that subject: the moment of recovery will come, in which they will be able to pass the subject.
- Wait a few months.The extraordinary pay does not arrive every 30 days, and some special expenses have to wait for Christmas or summer. The son must understand that, even if he has been promised a computer or a mountain bike, it will take some time to enjoy them. It happens the same with some trips, with renovations on the floor or in your room, or with motorcycle changes.
- Wait a few years.Each age has its scope of freedom, responsibility and autonomy. There are things that a child can only do when they have certain years, such as hiking alone with their friends, choosing clothes, having a motorcycle, living a relationship ... "When you are older ..." requires parents to fix some concrete moment in which the son can be considered greater and to accede to his desire. In this category also enters the forge of authentic friendships, which usually require some time to prove their worth.
Tips to work the wait
1. Teenagers are impatient in their own right, so we should not be surprised if they are demanding. But we should not fall into their game and give in to their heaviness, because, if it is not opportune, it does them no good.
2. When they insist without rhyme or reason, untimely and in an uneducated way, you can say to them: "Each time you repeat it again, we will delay it another day". Without extreme rigidity, it can help them learn to wait.
3. It is necessary to know how to distinguish between caprices and needs. In the first case, they can be allowed exceptionally; For example, one can indulge in special occasions such as birthdays, kings, etc. Therefore, in most cases (change of mobile because it is no longer cool) should not be allowed.
4. Teens need clear and precise rules, although it seems that they rebel against authority.Do not be afraid to send, to say no to certain requests. Whenever there are reasons and good manners, even if they do not like it and show it, we know that we are favoring their education.
5 In general, it is very formative to wait a bit for the children, although you can already do what they ask for. With sense of measure and without rigidities, it is educational to explain to them with concrete facts that things are not always there anymore.
Before our children commit to any activity, course, etc. we must make it clear that they have to carry it out until the end. If it is to learn violin, at least to complete the whole course of conservatory, although later they do not want to continue; if it's playing basketball, stay the whole league with that team and attend the games also when you do not want to ...
José Alfonso Arregui García