The impatience in adolescence: learn to wait

Currently, all parents -at least the sensible ones- agree that children should overcome their natural tendency to laziness and strive to study, and usually demand that they fulfill their duty. However, when faced with the naturally natural tendency of children to impatience in adolescence, to want things in the moment, the firmness is much less. However, it is essential that learn to wait.

The weakness of parents at the whim

The children are not stupid and they are dedicated to testing how far they can go with their parents in order to satisfy their desires immediately. In many houses, they are the ones who really rule, turned into small dictators capable of leading their parents in the most varied matters, from the batteries of a walkman to the family menu, passing through the seat in front of the car or the moment they will order your room.

That weakness at the whim is a great way to spoil the children, because when they face life they are deceived, thinking that the rest of the world should behave with them like their parents. And as it is not so, the impact is often devastating.

False traumas

It is not true that children generate frustrations by delaying or denying their requests. It is not true that children are traumatized with complex and dangerous consequences in their adult lives because they can not do everything they want when they are young and when they want it. It is a false and dangerous pedagogy that really advises to scrupulously respect the spontaneity of children, encourage and subordinate to it by surrendering sacred obedience.

It is false because spontaneously most of the children do not study, nor behave at the table, nor get up in the morning, nor stop insulting or fighting. Only billionaires and tyrants-up to a point-get everything they want quickly. Normal people are accustomed to keeping a line, to work with deadlines, to save, to defer decisions, to renounce, to contain their impulses ... In addition, the really valuable things, like good wine, professional prestige or a finished cathedral, they are never achieved all of a sudden: they only become after a maturation process.

That's why it's important educate the children in the wait, teach them to wait; that they perceive how in life there is always a more or less long time between what we want and its effective fulfillment; and that sometimes what we would like, is never fulfilled.

Train adolescents in patience

These ideas will help them to be patient when, for example, they do not understand something in class, or when they face learning a language. It is not worth throwing the towel at the first change with the excuse "I do not understand!". Parents should remind them that, if they do not understand, they should not worry: the teacher will explain it again as many times as necessary. But it is essential that they put effort, that they insist on trying to understand, that they wait a little before giving up, that they give several opportunities to their own intellectual capacity before asking for the help of private lessons.

In this line, it has also become relatively frequent that children do not finish leisure activities that start with great enthusiasm: camps, computer classes, painting and drawing courses ... "It's just that I'm bored" is not enough reason to abandon a well-organized learning. Obviously, it is not to force them to do things that they did not know well, but if we want to promote in them the virtue of perseverance (the habit of finishing what one starts), if we want them to learn to put the most difficult stones (which are the last), should overcome the reasonable difficulties involved in any human activity.

The attitude of contention in adolescence

In general, it is very formative to wait a bit for the children, even if they can do what they ask for. With a sense of measure and without rigidities, it is educational to explain to them with concrete facts that things are not always there anymore, and that the cry "I want it now!" It can rarely come true. They must learn to hold on, to hold back, to embridar their own impulses to regulate them with the use of intelligence, stimulated and oriented by their educators; and it is convenient to explain the objective reasons why this effort is worthwhile. For example, getting up from the table after eating requires everyone to finish, but in addition to clarifying the reasons, it helps them to understand it better if they experience how pleasant a conversation time in the family table is.

This attitude of "containment" requires a good dose of patience on the part of the parents, endurance capacity ... and a sense of humor. Everything becomes easier if we wait with a smile, even with jokes about the stubbornness with which they insist. If we do not lose the calm and we show a serene firmness, we do them a great good.The children need help to channel and repress energies that overwhelm them, and with this family support, like the great rivers, they will leave behind life and fertility.

Antonio Díaz Argüelles

Video: The secret to self control | Jonathan Bricker | TEDxRainier

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