My partner ... and if I had touched another!
To break the climate of skepticism or discouragement, I usually leave in a humorous way: "You will agree that you have not played in a raffle". It is the moment in which the interlocutor tears a whole series of considerations about the surprises that have taken place over time, from the first day that I met the other party.
We must give the reason: life is different every day. The circumstances that surround us and that act on our mood are different. Our own response to changing events, although never the same, is changing. The same reality may seem different depending on the angle from which we look.
Live in the present
Let's try to reflect a little with serenity. One of the phenomena that most torments the human being is not living in the present time. We spend a great part of our life yearning for past eras to register them in "columns" according to our state of mind: those we call happy to wrap them in a halo of fascination with the memory wrapper; and those that we long for to arrive, but they come slowly, or those that we fear will happen to us and paralyze us with fear.
Despite the years, we have not convinced ourselves that the only possible way to act on reality is precisely in today and now. The past is unrepeatable and the future unpredictable. Why live with memories or dreams? It is in the present moment where our existence is truly realized and we can lay the foundations of future events.
Frequently, most of the hours we spend locked in the labyrinth of our yearnings or in the follies of the future are lost time and we want to shield ourselves in apologies so as not to face daily reality as it is. It's hard, I know. But the life of people only finds happiness when we are willing to take events in their true dimension and with everything that can be considered painful.
We all change
Indeed, our husband / wife has changed a lot. It is the only thing that certifies is that he is alive.
- "Well, well, everything is fine, but ... what can I do?"
First, do not look for escape lines. Do not look for distractions that daze us or vaporous superficialities to forget the situation. Nor close your eyes and "continue living" without having bad drinks. And in no way surround the events of a chorus of lamentations until turning it into a Greek tragedy.
Then, have a great confidence in the capacity of reaction of the human being. The capacity for greatness that a person can develop is unpredictable even if they are in conditions of deterioration that are difficult to imagine. This is not an optimistic consideration of the daily occurrence, it is the result of taking a look at the history and the closest biographies to reach the conviction that it is always possible to solve problems.
All this transforming potential resides in a source of energy without limits: love. The secret is that this love is not a truffle of feelings with streaks of angel hair. It is a task where you have to put the intelligence and make the will operational.
One more step will take us to analyze with courage what our shortcomings have been. What gaps or gaps are in our relationship with each other, what omissions or how many dysfunctions. The best way to bring strength to temper our mood in the great task that awaits us is the inner consistency that produces having personally taken the first steps. Look at ourselves before becoming accusatory prosecutors of the other.
Give without measure
It is only necessary not to lose the initiative in giving. Always give without getting tired and without expecting anything in return. Love is not an easy currency market where haggling is always sought to reach the best merchandise for the lowest price. That's in the sales. In marriage there are no balances.
- "What if he does not find out? If he does not realize my efforts?"
To you who has told you that he does not know. That reaction is already a product of fantasy. Another very different thing is that I do not acknowledge receipt, but we have already said that it is not a merchandise.
Love and suffer
- "And do you think that I will be happy giving, without receiving anything in return?" That depends on your human size. I know immensely happy people while acting in this way. As they are not made of stone, it is logical that they suffer. * Who has said that suffering and happiness are incompatible? The end of that classic verse reminds him: "There is no lover better than one who has suffered a lot."
It is already understood that I am not referring to mental patients who wallow in pain. I speak of people with a very tight human texture who do not seek pain but when they stumble upon it, they know how to give it a positive meaning, a destiny, a purpose that far from breaking down matures them or injects an overwhelming force into their lives.
All this without rigidities, without stoicism to turn our own eyes into wooden heroes. It is not about dignified postures or grandiose gestures.I mean a kind, flexible, carefree, cheerful, unnoticed attitude.
Details of each day
For this, a good strategy is not to consider disproportionate leaps, unrealizable changes, difficult goals to achieve. It is in the simple where the secret lies: the kiss of arrival, the invitation that is not expected, the timely hairdressing, the help in setting the table.
- "That's nonsense," you tell me.
I answer that you know they are not. Another very different thing is that "do not ask the body" and do not leave. Do the test. Have you checked that if you start humming in the car it improves the mood you had ten minutes ago?
It had to end that way because our conversation today has gone through places too serious. Sometimes, in our life you have the same feeling that is experienced in Hollywood when you teach Universal studies. You see the models where the great battles or the decorations of the San Francisco earthquake have been developed and it makes you laugh. To be what is true of the theater of the world?
It is a matter of zooming in or out of the camera lens.