This is a teenager in love
Spring -which blood alters- has turned our adolescent girl into an even more self-absorbed girl: she is more sensitive, she is permanently in Babia, the conversations with her friends take place behind closed doors and in whispers, she remains lying in her room listening during hours ... What's wrong? Nothing more and nothing less than that strange emotional epidemic that they call "first love" has reached.
The teenager in love undergoes important physical and psychological changes that stun her. But above all, it goes through a phase of great emotional instability, experiences a tremendous desire to love and be loved. In this situation, it is understandable that blue eyes, or a sympathetic smile conquer your heart in flight.
Love in spurts
East overflow of their emotionality it is something not only normal, but good, but we will have to help her-with all delicacy-to know how to channel it herself. We can not lose sight of the fact that she is in a mental and emotional turmoil: she does not distinguish between willing and feeling, and sometimes she will tell us that she "does not feel" affection for her brothers, grandmother or ourselves.
This situation involves the risk of being carried away or not find where to hold authentic values, to fill it, and give your heart and understanding to a brand of jeans or a charming wink, unstable elements that will not provide but more insecurity.
A heart on a tray
The symptoms of a teenager in love they are classics: self-absorption, forgetfulness, ups and downs in humor ... she lives in a pink dream, where "her boy" is a true idealized blue prince, who rescues her from danger, admires her prowess, etc.
It is possible that the boy is alien to this passion, but it is also possible that he knows and corresponds, in which case both will want to leave together and history will take on new dimensions.
Before reaching this point, let's make an effort to remember our youth, and try to understand our daughter: Is not she of love age, and a lot? Have you put your heart on a tray? Well, let's be ready to know how to pick it up promptly. If you need to overturn your emotion, the family must become worthy to receive such a treasured treasure. It is not time to fail ...
Today I saw him!
The most appropriate path will always be that of understanding. The adolescent is becoming more adult, but she is still a girl for certain things, such as her relationship with her parents. Receiving love and understanding from them is what they crave the most, demands that they understand their drama - "Today, Fulano has not greeted me", "the other day he looked at me" - and find a channel where his intimacy could be overturned.
Relations with the brothers will also take new directions, in which parents may have to intervene. His illusion and naivety to see the boy of his dreams should not be the subject of mockery and laughter, although in a few years we may be able to tease him. Keeping the matter secret parents can strengthen the bonds between them.
Between you and me
The role of the mother will now become more important, if possible, since she has all the tickets to be the best confidant of her daughter in love ... if she wins the job. It will be useless to pull the language of our child, among other things because it is not anymore. If he values something, it is his own intimacy, and he will only turn it over to someone who shows understanding, someone who is not ready to judge him or take his concerns lightly. we must understand his drama, which does not mean that we do not help him to see it from another, more positive and, even, comic prism.
If the mother is ready to comb her hair to leave on Saturday, or to bring her the socks she needs, she will be giving the girl the chance to put all the feelings in her head in her ears. In this decisive moment, it will be best to treat it with delicacy, without hurting it or diminishing its importance, giving advice when it is requested or, if it does not, introducing any suggestion with the expression "I think you could ...", and never "do not do ..." or "you are stupid ..."
By herself
At this age, she needs to hear and see, make mistakes and guess for herself. It will be useless, therefore - more than to incite it to rebellion - to try to go as counselors. But it will be useful to provoke situations and talks that make you judge for yourself.
So, if she tells us how handsome is so and so, how well she dances and how beautiful her eyes are ... we can correspond revealing details about what made us fall in love with dad, or how he noticed us, .. At no time will it be necessary -not advisable- to establish comparisons, but she will be able to pick up her own conclusions here and there.
Words on the fly
It is time, too, to bring up topics of conversation at home that make you think. For example, the cases of crippling "cripples" that ended in hurried weddings, saplings on the altar or separations.
It's not about telling tragedies, but about making him put his feet on the ground and seeing infatuation as something serious and important, and dating as a relationship that makes you improve and enrich yourself as a person, not as a renunciation of one's own criteria to assume those of the boy, for not knowing how to say no.
Conversations between siblings about girls who do or do not do this or that will undoubtedly make a deep impression, and will make you reflect on the attitude you should have with children. It will also be positive that her father and she exchange impressions about how boys see girls and vice versa, so that they learn to distinguish between male and female psychology.
Works are loves
Where there is love left over - so that it does not overflow - you have to put even more love. If our girl-woman is very enamored and her emotionality makes her bang every minute, we will have to help her find an escape route, practicing those details of affection that "touch" her sensitive fiber and, above all, helping her to turn over her Heart in others, and not only in that boy with sea-colored eyes.
It will be easy to discover - if we do not already know - who are your soul friends, how much you love them and a thousand details of their lives. This information will be useful to suggest details, where you can find a birthday gift, ... We can also have a package of muffins and a Coke handy so that she can freely invite her friends to have a snack ... only try to channel their desire to give to others.
What an illusion!
Let's not forget that our daughter is in one of the most beautiful stages of her life, and her ability to get excited is frankly enviable. Proof of this is his own infatuation.
It would be a shame to waste this flow of energy, so we must avoid abandoning their hobbies, or try to find new ones. Maybe it does not make sense to force her to play tennis, if she does not like it, but if she is a handyman she might like to sign up for a booklet course.
Tips: a teenager in love at home
1. A daughter in love is a naked heart on a tray and, therefore, very sensitive to our jokes, affection and, above all, to our understanding.
2. The family can also fall in love in its own right the heart of the adolescent.
3. Confidence by confidentiality. It is essential to get our daughter to open her heart now, and the safest and most effective way will be the exchange of confidences.
4. Avoid the way of taxation to control the heart of the adolescent, because it will only provoke frustration, rebellion and pain.
5. "Pinch" the brothers to talk to each other of what they think of the girls, and try -with discretion and without discovering your intentions- that the teenager in love hears you. Learn pure wisdom of life and help you get off the cherry.
6. Encourage your desire to give to others offering her opportunities to collaborate with you or for her to turn to her friends, her brothers, etc.
7. Stay tuned to perceive your state of mind. A love disappointment will make you suffer a lot, and you will need all your love to overcome this hole that, for her, is like the end of the world.
If our daughter goes through a stage of true "passion" for a boy, who is not able to overcome, perhaps we can send her to spend a season at the home of grandparents or uncles in another city, taking advantage of a vacation, to make new friends. Yes, without confessing our real intentions and considering the trip as a small vacation that deserves to be greater.
María Moll
Advisor: Beatriz Bengoechea. Psychologist and family counselor
