Educate calmly: the secret of emotional balance
Educating is a task that requires time, but the important thing is to reach the final goal: educate the children well, and this is not achieved in two days. The children should see us calm, without giving way to anger or anger for trifles and have to see that we do not take things out of control.
The children need our patience because it is the only way to reach your privacy; it takes time, friction and treatment. Things do not usually go as planned, one hundred percent. Life is complex and the education of one more child, but that can not exasperate us
It is necessary to understand. And if we understand him, he will tell us, and we can help him. That way they will lose the fear of making themselves known, so important to educate; You will see that sincerity and trust fix everything with admirable ease.
The first step, however, you have to give it listening and dedicating time to their problems that, although they seem trifles, weigh like slabs for them. But if we move them aside because we are doing something important (watch TV, finish a report, rest or fix a closet), it will be harder and harder for them to tell us. Because of our little patience we are closing the doors to their privacy and the close adolescence will end up taking a few more locks.
Exasperate? No thanks
Things do not usually go as planned, one hundred percent. Life is complex and the education of one more child. Sometimes, they behave badly, and so much that they can exasperate us.
But bitter recriminations are not a good way. On too many occasions, in the consultations of psychologists and pedagogues, it is common to hear from the punished children themselves that what hurts them the most, what hurts and torments them to the point of driving them crazy, is that their father or mother goes after them one day and another, reminding them of the bad children they are, the shame they feel of having them as children and of having brought them into the world.
As surprising as it may seem, psychic punishment, a true psychic torture, occurs in many homes and educational centers.
The best way to educate calmly
Our advice must be optimistic and cheerful, that stimulate, that leave a residue of understanding and encouragement. We must correct and advise with grace, without making tragedies, letting glimpse love even if we are serious; the punishment is not a good way.
Much less is it appropriate to punish under the effects of anger and strong nervous excitement. You have to take a few minutes or a few hours of reflection and calm with yourself to correct with love, firmness and pedagogical science. With patience we will be able to analyze the situation better and what seemed to us a delay can be a great advance. However, explosions of anger are always negative.
Emotional balance in education
To the extent that our behavior is mature, balanced, serene and patient, we will educate our children in maturity, serenity and emotional balance.
If we need to be always angry and worried, if when we see our calm and cheerful son we immediately rebuke him that life is to be taken very seriously, our children will grow sad.
Punishments of a physical nature and more or less violent are not recommended because:
- Its effects last very little. The child ceases his behavior at the moment but soon returns to the old ways.
- It demands increasing punishments and a vicious circle is formed that is not easy to break: bad behavior-normal punishment. New misconduct-severe punishment, etc. Parents do not know which way to go.
- Relationships parents and children are in a sorry state. The affective rejection, the accumulation of anger and frustration is greater and the problems get worse without going in the way of solution.
7 tips to educate calmly
1. All children need our patience, but sometimes one requires more attention. The sixth sense of the parents warns when and how much it is necessary to turn around with each one, because of an illness, problems in class, etc.
2. There are many times a day to talk with your children and it would be a mistake to pretend to act when there are problems, in the middle of an anger, etc. It is much more effective to take advantage of relaxed moments to make a breakthrough: before going to bed, after a snack, etc.
3. Sometimes, you have to provoke certain moments, with a lot of margin, to treat children. Sometime it will be necessary to clear everything on a Saturday morning of "unavoidable" commitments to accompany the son to play football. Nobody is sincere when they ask him: "You have five minutes to explain what happens to you".
4. A child this age may be overwhelmed, for example, because he thinks that everyone in his class is stronger or smarter than him. Or because he thinks his friends do not like him, or that a teacher has a hobby. In order to understand him and not send him to walk we have to put ourselves in his place and understand that what he tells us can disturb him.
5.It is never convenient to punish when we are angry. You have to be honest with yourself to recognize, first, that we have become angry and, second, leave the punishment for another time, when we are more calm.
6. In education, a great sense of humor is needed and tendency to de-dramatize. You have to enjoy your children and the perspective shows us that many catastrophes were not such.
7. At home we encourage encouraging frequent family gatherings or moments in which it is not the time to ask the lesson, but times in which all expose the incidents and the small adventures of the day. Where the father and the mother tell things that arouse the interest of the children; where everyone learns to live as a family.
Advice: James B. Stenson. Founder and director of Northridge Preparatory School of Chicago (USA) and Consultant of the National Commission for the support of the Humanities of Washington, D.C.