In the faults of children, is it my fault?

"I continually tell him to study, to do homework, to do homework, not to waste time.It's my fault that the suspense of my children or that they get bad grades? "Well, maybe you have to check how you watch him and how you tell him things.You have to ask him the reason for his lack of responsibility rather than lecturing or threatening him.

According to Professor Aquilino Polaino, Professor of Psychopathology, the suspense or the "needs to improve" of Primary, are motivated by various factors: lack of preparation in the subject, because you do not understand with the teacher, because you have not had enough luck in the questions you were asked in the last evaluation, because He does not like that stuff and he chokes and blocks when he starts studying. It can also be caused by personal problems: separation from parents, strong arguments in front of the children, lack of self-esteem with classmates, school problems etc.

For that reason, instead of threats, humiliations, "you are a vague, I had been warning you, you have to work, you are going to be punished", we must try to remedy it. The sermons, the punishments, the bad faces, the corrections in public, only cause that our son is left blamed and confused. So, how should I act to get good grades? First, talking to our son, without being afraid to ask him what's wrong; second, asking for opinion from the tutors, and looking for solutions; third, discarding possible pathologies such as dyslexia, hyperactivity, etc.

Facing the suspense

Valuing our children just because of the grades they get is a huge mistake. Did you know that we can also take advantage of low grades? It has to serve us to know what costs more and how we are going to be able to help you. You have to face low performance as a challenge: "you need to improve in reading speed, because we are going to work" "You are not good at math, you do not concentrate, we are going to see how we have fun with numbers". This is how we must deal with low grades, and help our son overcome himself.

A daily attitude of some parents is to examine themselves with their children: "we have an exam, we have approved, we have taken note". According to Aquilino Polaino, the family does not have to be examined with each child. It is the children and only they who are examined, we can help them, without doing their homework, or sit down with them. We are there to solve doubts, to ask them the lesson, to explain them, but there our duty remains. We have to teach autonomy before studying.

Punishments for getting bad grades

Neither punishments nor sermons will get him to do tasks with greater responsibility and to go from a "need to improve" to a "highlighted situation". And if they sit in their chair doing homework, it will be out of fear of the threat. Neither the threats "you're going to be punished in your room all week, without leaving, look what I tell you", they serve for our son to change, the only thing that produces is fear in the child towards us.

Likewise, comparisons with siblings or other children are not good counselors, the only thing that causes in our son is guilt, resentment and pain, because he feels rejected by his parents. You have to find the reason for this low performance: if it is because you watch too much television, because you spend too much time on the computer, with your mobile phone, because you are distracted by games etc.

We will have to help him change habits and attitudes, get him to be satisfied with the study, work well done. To get it to perform at its best, it is always better to praise and educate positively: "You can, we will improve ourselves in the next evaluation", "you will see how happy you feel when you finish doing all the multiplications".

Marisol Nuevo Espín
Advice:Professor Aquilino Polaino, Professor of Psychopathology

Video: 6 Child Behavior Problems That Are Parents’ Fault

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