The Why of Childhood Lies: 5 Causes for Deception
Educate your children do you think it is such a simple task that does not require any planning? If when we value a certain company or business we do not leave it to improvisation, why do not we do the same when we start the "business" of educating our children?
It's important to put attention on for there to be a true lie there must be a moral intentionality, and this arises towards 7 years to be more exact. It is therefore necessary, at these ages, to sow today if we want to harvest tomorrow. Remind him that when the first battle is won, that the truth has been told in spite of what sometimes costs, the second is more easily achieved. And you no longer live at ease with a lie.
5 causes for deception: why children's measures
It is important to ask ourselves why this lie or that deception of our son before acting. There are different causes:
- Lack of selfesteem: to keep her safe, to look good and admire her. If this is the case of our son, it is important that we value a little effort and for example you could correct him saying: "I think you have made a mistake" or "what a joke you have spent me, because I know that you know how to tell the truth. son always tells the truth. "
- Call our attention: Sometimes the only purpose is to receive affection; We are so busy that they simulate an illness, a fall, a scolding from a teacher so we can listen to him. No one doubts the love we have for our children, but sometimes the child does not perceive it in an adequate way. Solution: to be more with him, to praise him, to speak to him of ours, to be aware of his true achievements and his worries. Think that there are more emotional children than others, more sensitive. Therefore, it is important that you study your child.
- To drain the package: for example, before the threat of punishment or to avoid an unpleasant situation. Do not forget that our son should never get away with this ruse. Phrases like: "son, you are not like that", "you are sincere" could undo this attitude. Here it is important to make him see that although the lie seems a liberation, an attitude until "intelligent", a means even - with more age - "pious", to build peace. However, it is just a cowardice, a mediocrity of people who do not know how to truly love, who are not entirely intelligent, because a lie enslaves and it brings more, one feels worse inside and also, if one discovers the "cake" the ridicule we make is frightening. Tell him how good you felt the day you decided not to say one more to a caught perhaps 16 years. What a shame, how bad you feel, never compensates ...
- Beware of our example: In what home does not lie to a heavy that does not let go when you call? Remember: maybe you get rid of her with a lie, but you are causing serious damage to the conscience of your child, who thinks: "Lying is bad but sometimes it is convenient". Do not be surprised that when you are 15 years old, use this tactic when you want to get rid of yourself. There is no misnamed "pious lie", we must banish this easy way out. For that reason, phrases like "Come, let's eat the chocolate ... now that dad does not see us"; "Do not tell mom I've had dinner in the living room, and no tray, and I've had 3 beers. They are never timely. Think that they will then lie to you. Remember: you taught them how to do it yourself.
- Fantasies of this age: we can not describe them as lies, because it is really essential for their education in the imagination, the stories, and all the wonderful world invented by a child. Therefore, sometimes children invent because they do not differentiate between reality and fantasy (especially between 3 to 5 years): "My dad is a pilot and drives planes" when his father really works at the airport but in the headquarters . We can explain to our son what is the real job of the father, who also sees the planes, who is close to them but who does not drive them. This is how we teach him to tell the truth without rudely damaging the story that has been forged in his mind.
Maite Mijancos. Family Advisor