Independent, but at home: the eternal student
There are many young Spaniards between 20 and 35 who still continue to depend on their parents. Meanwhile, they finish a career and a master's degree that already seem endless, they take out those oppositions that have not just been summoned or they find a job with a decent salary ... the pocket and the paternal roof continue to protect them as always. But the situation is no longer the same.
"I'm fed up!". The complaint escapes again and again among this new generation of young people, who face endless careers and strong job competition. When some subjects become black holes, or when that curriculum so elaborately developed fails to convince any Head of Personnel, there is a feeling of frustration between them. Not only do they not let them take flight, but they must still depend on everything - housing, leisure ... - from Dad's pocket during a good season.
If this attitude is not countered within the home and, on the contrary, there is even more pressure for those exams that you do not approve or because you do not get a job ... the situation can end up seriously affecting coexistence and family communication.
From adult to adult
In these circumstances, parents should keep in mind that their child is no longer an immature child, but an adult. It would be absurd, as well as counterproductive, to pressure a 25-year-old boy to study an exam. The proper thing, given his age, is not to give him slogans, speak one on one, at an adult level, so that he is aware of what is expected of him.
This is how we will try to show him that he will not lack the support of his family while he needs it, and that the doors of the house will always be open for him, we can not hide from him that this situation can not be eternal, and that he has to all on your part to conclude.
It is essential that both he and his parents consider the situation as a passenger, but also as a valuable opportunity to learn to coexist in tolerance and respect between two generations of adults.
While things take the right course, however, it can be very positive for parents to consider a series of points in which the treatment within the home with the adult child will have to be varied.
Talk and talk with the family
In a family where the channels of communication between parents and children have always been taken care of, it will be easy to maintain this flow. In any case, there are points that parents should take care of with more care or from a new perspective, such as respect for privacy, freedom, different treatment, delegate, money ...
Little by little, parents will have to get used to looking for moments in which to be alone with their eldest son, to talk to them about their things, their projects, their aspirations, ... Opening the ears to a child who is already an adult can cause more than a fright and some pain, but it is always preferable, at least, to know what is going on in your life.
Hard as it may be, at this time parents will have to admit, whatever their vision, their child's vision of life, their ideas, etc. Perhaps they are not the ones who tried to inculcate him, but now it can only be respected, as an adult is.
In any case, they may demand that, in front of their brothers, omit appreciations contrary to the education they wish to give these. You must accept that the education of minor children is a priority objective in the home.
Another way to respect your privacy it can be the treatment that is given, inviting him to tell his things and what he does outside the home, but without ever demanding explanations that -as it is logical- are very uncomfortable when they are forced. Falling into this common mistake can lead to the child lying or confronting their parents, denying all information.
Achieve a climate of trust where you can dump everything that bubbles in your head, can be tremendously complicated at times, especially because you have to find a way to talk about certain topics, such as those oppositions that do not "come out", unemployment ... they prevent being autonomous.
Taboos at home are not good, because they prevent locating problems, they just hide them and end up aggravating them. For communication to bear fruit, it is so important to listen carefully, as to know how to make him see why he believes that this or that is not doing well or that he is wrong.
If you feel heard and respected, reflect on the reasons given by your parents. If you see them disinterested, or that they take you for a boy, they are likely to give up trying to treat them and act as if they lived on the comb board.
Freedom and order at home despite being older
But, as much as things have changed ... not all have: the parents 'house is still the parents' house. It is they, therefore, who will mark, as they always did, the minimum standards of coexistence and respect, which must be supported by all those who live in the home.
It would be out of place for the young person, as an adult, to consider himself authorized to skip the lunch and dinner schedules without warning, not to collaborate in homework shifts, challenge the parents' authority, say tacos inside the house or maintain composures to those that his brothers are not authorized.
Marisol Nuevo Espín