Against bullying, let's talk about feelings

It is a reality that, predictably, the sad reality of harassment esoclar It will not change in the short term. There have always been abusive classmates, but the century of technology has multiplied its effect. If parents are concerned that our children suffer bullying, we are still more distressed by the fact that they live in isolation the anguish that this situation produces. The key, say the experts, is to maintain a fluid and sincere communication in the family, with an open heart and with the feelings on the table.

There has always been bullying. No era and no society is free of this scourge because people act with others based on many factors: temperament, character ... But something is happening in today's society that bullying, in its versions of bullying and cyberbullying, exceeds more than that badly given campion in a recess or the bully who stole the sandwiches of the weakest. Now, for different reasons that are irrelevant, in too many occasions the harassment ends with the worst scenario: a suicide, a flight forward to escape the labyrinth. And if you do not get to the point of taking your own life, there is, in any case, unspeakable suffering.

What's going on? It is possible that one of the factors involved in this reality is the lack of resilience of our adolescents. Many of them, educated between cottons, have serious difficulties in managing frustration in everyday life. When this frustration is also exasperated and multiplied, the harassed lack sufficient mechanisms not only to resolve the situation, but even to ask for help. But there is another much more powerful factor that has caused a substantial change in the very reality of harassment: social networks have a devastating effect because they multiply the scope -in time, in space and in the audience- of any attitude of abuse.

There is a long way to go. The latest cases of bullying have 'put the batteries' to the society and to some public administrations that work in protocols of action and preventive systems to act at the slightest indication. But the fundamental role outside the home corresponds to schools that require many hours of classroom work.

At school, it is better to prevent against bullying

Working from the teacher's desk to prevent, detect and, as necessary, intervene in a case of harassment, is not as simple as it seems. As educator Maite Vallet explains, it is necessary that the teaching staff is well prepared. In the same way that you are required to know the subject you are going to teach, it would be necessary to complete the training of teachers in matters related to emotional education.

But for that knowledge to be really put into practice in the classroom, it takes time. In some centers, little importance is given to the hours dedicated to tutoring. However, they are key times to work in small groups emotions and enhance reflection. "When the kids reflect on what happened, they always find out what's wrong."

There are several systems to manage the cases of abuse in the classroomsFor example, when one student says something bad about another, we can invite him to list ten qualities of his classmates. The work in small groups, of about five children, is very effective to encourage reflection on specific situations. But what is essential is that the teacher knows how to face a situation of harassment when he perceives it and stop the harasser without delay. When the problem is detected in time, an accurate intervention can prevent the situation from getting complicated.

At home, a round table to detect bullying

Maite Vallet explains that one of the problems that are detected in many families in the field of communication is that, although there is much talk about issues related to the academic field, the feelings are little deepened. Parents who consider that they care about their children because they ask them how they have done, consider the answer of the result of the last exam or the difficulties of a certain subject valid. But they do not dare or do not know how to investigate issues related to the socio-emotional terrain.

The challenge is that talking about feelings is more complicated. In fact, Vallet suggests that we use the right techniques, such as asking for very specific questions and inquiring beyond the first response. "You do not have to know only what they have played and with whom, but how they felt, if they wanted to play or if they preferred to play something else and they have not left them."

For Vallet, it is very important to teach the boys to manage their relationship with those people with whom they do not have harmony and to generate a dynamic of respect. At the same time, we can guide them to choose those friends with whom they feel more comfortable, without for that reason stopping dealing with those who are more distant."It's not about taking away what's happening to them, but because, because it's important, they learn to manage it so that it does not mark their lives."

María Solano Altaba
Advice: Maite Vallet. Pedagogue

Video: Ways to Stop Bullying

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