Is it too harmful for them to consent too much to their children?

Excessive whims and consent, when they are too frequent and without setting limits, take children away from the sensation of pleasure, because they are not given the opportunity to enjoy unique and extraordinary moments.

Children who are overindulged never have the feeling that something is exceptional, since they take everything for granted. The only thing in which a spoiled child You can focus on how you can get more.

First, it is important to be aware that whims are a normal thing, part of life. It is usually a wonderful experience, and it occurs when families allow themselves to get out of the rules and give themselves a special whim For example: when a family spends more than usual to buy nice and elegant clothes for a special event, when they indulge in eating out at an expensive restaurant to celebrate an important prize, or when they have the luxury of Enjoy an exotic vacation to spend time together after a particularly stressful year.


The sporadic whims

In the previous examples, it is important to highlight the fact that these caprices are linked to important and sporadic events, and the caprice itself serves to emphasize that it is a special occasion, since it is something that does not happen very often. Thus, the whim is perceived as such and generates a feeling of enthusiasm and euphoria because the experience is out of the ordinary.

However, one can easily get caught up in these feelings of enthusiasm and euphoria. In fact, it is even easier to stay hooked watching your children externalize that enthusiasm and those new emotions. As parents, that stream of pure joy and happiness that emerges from a child can be extremely addictive, making your parents feel like a superstar. Unfortunately, the "rush" that comes from watching a child enjoy something can lead some parents to try to provoke this reaction in their child too often.


Consent to the children: how to avoid getting used to the 'rush'

Unfortunately, human beings get used quickly to everything, especially the good. If a level of consent becomes the new norm, it will stop being a whim to become "normal". Therefore, to provoke the same reaction it will be necessary to raise the bar and offer something more. So, again, if this new level of consent becomes habitual, it will cease to be something special and unique, and we will have to raise the bar even higher to achieve the same response.

Therefore, when a child is Consents in excess in a habitual way, the child stops having the feeling that they are being granted whims. Conversely, It will seem that what happens is "normal". Therefore, the child will have an insatiable desire to get more and more; a desire that will continue to grow without end. To put it simply: this situation means that the child is never fully happy or satisfied. The temporary and passenger pleasure obtained with this new level of consent will quickly fade away, and the child will immediately demand more.


Parents do not want their child to be in a constant state of dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction. It is clear that when a family pampers and pampers its children it does so with the best intention in the world: parents believe they are doing the best for their child, because apparently the child is happy. However, happiness is ephemeral and the child returns to a situation of longing and desire. The gain obtained in the short term is nullified by the growing desire to have more and more.

How to avoid making pampered and spoiled children

Luckily, the approach that must be applied to avoid excessive and constant consent and to correct it is the same. The only difference between the two situations is that a spoiled and spoiled child will be more resistant to change than a child who has never been systematically consented to.

The strategies that parents can use to avoid falling into excessive and continued consent or to correct this trend are, among others:

- Do not judge your gifts as a mother / father based on how your child responds to your guidelines. Give your child what you think he needs.

- You are, of the two, the one who has experience in life. Your son has a very limited life experience and does not know what he needs or is "too much".

- Adjust to the low (less food, fewer activities, less attention, etc.) when you see that your child is not aware of what he has and does not value it, but only focuses on getting more or missing what he does not have.

- Show your child the value of everything he has in life. Explain, in language that is appropriate for your age, why you think you have everything you need.

- Do not consider motherhood / fatherhood as a competition or comparison between both parents and not allowing your child to compare your behavior with that of other parents.
o When other parents overdo it (eg, with the birthday parties they organize) you do not have to try to overcome them to avoid being less. Explain to your child that in each family there are different rules. This is the whole explanation you need to hear.

- Be austere and control yourself in your own life to set an example for your son.

- It will cost a child to acquire a skill If you do not have a model to imitate in real life. If you treat yourself from time to time and you know it to glory, your son will see how much this type of excess is enjoyed, but how rare it is.

Teaching children to value and enjoy daily life is one of the most important tasks of motherhood / fatherhood. In some moments there will be shortages, in others there will be more whims, but most of the time there is simply "enough".

Letting children be dragged by desire and greed the only thing that gets is depriving them of happiness during their childhood. Teaching them the importance of valuing what they have and letting them experience the immense pleasure of the occasional whim will prepare them to treasure some wonderful memories of their childhood.

Deanna Marie Mason, expert in education and family health. Author of the blog Dr. Deanna Marie Mason. An educational approach to adaptation

Video: consent for kids


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