The importance of the father in the education of the children
When we talk about the importance that parents have in their children, it is almost inevitable that the fundamental role of the mother comes to mind. Perhaps it is for this reason that popular sayings have often extolled the virtues of the mother, but not the father's. This figure, that of the father, has traditionally been relegated to the function of being the carrier of order, discipline and economic security at home.
Fortunately, the strict father who has to harden his son to face the problems that will await him in the future and the caring, affectionate and protective mother, belong more and more to the world of stereotypes and not to today's world . But it is no less true that there are many parents who seek to find their place in the family now that circumstances have changed with respect to what they experienced as children. And it is essential that they achieve it, because the figure of the father is fundamental in the education of the children.
It is evident that both the mother and the father will mark the lives of their children, becoming references that support, in many cases, the different facets on which the self-confidence, self-esteem and affective and emotional stability will rest. Together, they will form for them the first school of love, the first place where they will learn and experience the importance of wanting and feeling loved.
Dad and mom, two indispensable complementary figures
In the hands of parents, children will begin to open up to the world around them, to others; They will understand the importance of socializing and how necessary it is for their inner development. This is where the father is constituted as an original reference, different from that of the mother, without having to ask ourselves whether it is better or worse, just different.
The children will observe how their father confronts, manages and reacts differently to the mother, giving them the possibility that they, little by little, will draw their conclusions about the model to imitate or to take into account when similar situations happen to them. They learn from the example and imitate what they see and it is the interpretation that they draw from their experience, together with their personality, which makes them lean towards one style or the other.
Therefore, we can say that a father is not only there to protect his children, nor that their framework of coexistence with them has to be based on norms and limits essentially. You should also be interested in what the specific needs of each member of your family are and see if you can meet them.
It is true that firmness must be used in the face of possible manipulations and promote the effort and perseverance to achieve the goals that their children propose, but it is also necessary to draw on empathy in situations where they appear to be weak or feel limited. Sometimes, it may be necessary to take measures to establish a certain control in everything your children undertake, but it would also be good to leave them initiative and transmit security. And what to say about what is essential to correct, for that very reason it would be very useful to reinforce, value and give our approval to promote their self-confidence.
The concern of parents for the education of their children
We know that a child who sees his father's concern for everything that is important to him, that seeks spaces to talk to him, that tries to understand him, feels much more attached to him from the affective and emotional point of view. He will like to be with him, do things with him and enjoy his company. There will be a harmony between them, a harmony and a complicity that will constitute you as a support and a reference to the difficulties. It will be a relationship where the child does not have to prove anything to win the favor of his father. He will feel unconditionally loved, although on many occasions he may be reprimanded, disapprove of his behavior, or not agree on how to manage a certain issue.
A father must understand that everything he wants to instill in his son must go through himself, becoming an example of that virtue, becoming a role model. And if, by chance, it lacked the virtue it wants to teach, it must show at least a spirit of struggle to achieve it without leaving space for self-pity or resignation. The desire to continuously mold to be a better person, makes your children see that it is an arduous job, that lasts a lifetime, with its advances and setbacks, but with self-satisfaction as the greatest reward and the benefit that radiates to those who live together with the.
The father can define the tasks in which he will participate. The key is to get involved with the mother in the education of the children, to talk, share experiences, etc. Assuming day-to-day responsibilities in common also helps to stimulate cooperation and co-responsibility. Picking up your child at daycare, helping him get dressed in the morning, preparing food and taking him to the doctor, among other things, can be tasks that serve as an example.Couples involved in housework act as models of equality for their children and contribute to enhance psychological development. Also this involvement of the two members of the couple supposes a better intellectual and social emotional development of the children. If the implication is maintained from the beginning, it will facilitate good relations with your children during adolescence.
It is also important that, to the extent possible, we can make work compatible with family life. First, because the father rests and disconnects from the concerns inherent in the nature of his work and second, because it gives us the opportunity to create a time dedicated to children, whether playing with them, helping them in whatever they need or simply strengthening links through conversations on topics that both may interest you.
The role of father, in case of separation or divorce
In case of separation or divorce, the maintenance of the relationship with the father, especially in cases of maternal custody, is a factor that protects against the adverse effects that exposure to conflict between parents has on children. In these cases, it requires much more than the simple organization of visiting and cohabitation shifts on weekends. It is necessary for the father to transmit to his children that they have no responsibility in everything that is happening and that only they, as parents, can respond to what happened. Equally, it is important to provide them with emotional security, showing them how important they continue to be for him, avoiding material gifts or unjustifiable assignments in the face of already known norms that only falsely assuage consciences.
It is more successful to show a desire and a concern to know how they are, what they feel and what they need in those hard times. It is very positive that parents are deeply involved in the moments they have their children with them, because they show their commitment and unconditionality despite the fact that the family situation has changed.
In short, the father also has a fundamental role in education and parenting. His personality and his way of doing things are going to constitute a basic referent along with that of the mother in the child's childhood. So strong has been established affective bond at these ages, both will be in more future stages. They will be able to change the ways in which this relationship is articulated -more directive in childhood, more support in adolescence and maturity- but if it does well, it will always be constituted as a moral reference and unconditional help in the subsequent stages of the life of his son.
Juan Carlos García Saavedra. Counselor and Family Mediator. Institute of Family Counseling Match