How to explain to children that there is evil in the world

The evil is there. They will see it. It is impossible for us to protect them eternally. And they are going to ask us about wars, about pain, about sickness. How to explain to children that evil exists in the world? Simply turn on the television or radio and watch or listen to the news so that we realize that there is evil in the world. The children are not oblivious to this evil and it is difficult to keep them aside, to take them out of a palpable reality in many places and times, and in so many people.

Wars, terrorism, robberies, kidnappings, earthquakes, diseases ... As much as we want or try to hide or avoid it, children see or experience violence in the world. In a conversation, on the street, in the news, in the movies, even in the drawings ... And suddenly, the least expected day, they ask us: "Mom, dad, why are there wars? terrorism? Why are there diseases? Why is there evil in the world? " And we have to know what to answer.

First, to be clear about what we think, how we see and feel it, and then we can give them an answer. We have to look for and find the balance between reality and what they can understand, taking care not to frighten them but not overprotect them either. They have to know and understand, without living in fear of going down the street or without being locked in a bubble.

Protect from harsh reality or count objectively

Many parents wonder if they should protect their children from the harsh reality or if they should tell them what is happening in the world avoiding leaving traumatized. The first step to take would be to separate and distinguish the ontological evil (the one that happens without anybody's fault: earthquakes, natural catastrophes, diseases ...) from moral evil (the one caused by the action of man: wars, murders, inequalities ...) And the second step would be to be able to talk to them about good, whose intuition we all have, children and adults, from very young.

If the children, faced with their questions about the evil in the world, find themselves evasive on the part of their parents, they will feel insecure and worried. And they can give free rein to their imagination, coming to recreate situations that are not able to understand or manage.

For this reason, we should not leave their doubts unanswered and helping children to understand that terrible things happen in life and in the world is the task of parents.

Guidelines to talk about that evil exists with our children

Here are some guidelines to address and discuss this issue with our children:

- Let them express themselves. Children need to communicate, ask and know about the evil in the world, and express their feelings about concrete situations. We parents have to listen to them, ask them, explain them and accompany them. The answers can be natural and with simple words, appropriate to their age and maturity.

- Give them security. The children, in the face of so much pain and so much disaster, need to feel security, to find it in us. We have to leave and seek to be asked, to share with us what worries them and causes them fear, helping them to calm down.

- Tell them the truth, without dramatizing.When it comes to explaining to our children situations such as war or terrorism, we have to tell them the truth, but avoid being overbearing. If he were alone, we would be able to increase his worry and his anguish. The children look for real and sincere answers, but not dramatic or tragic.

- Avoid seeing hard images.When talking about evil, it is not recommended that children see certain images for which they are not prepared and that they will not do any good.

- You are his example. We can not forget that the way in which we are affected by the situation and the way we face it, will also affect them, and so they will respond. Learning at these ages occurs, above all, through observation and imitation.

- Good also exists. One of the important aspects is to tell them that evil exists and that there are people who do bad things, but there are many more good people who do things well.

How to explain that evil exists, according to the age of our children

- The smallest kids What they need is to feel good, protected and safe.

- Between 3 and 5 years old, Children react according to how we, their parents, do it. In this stage, they confuse reality with fantasy and can feel fear more easily.

- Beginning at 6 years Children want and need to know, and ask questions directly related to what happened.

- Pre-teens They need to talk about these issues, they are already aware of reality. They think and speak in terms of justice.

- The teenagers they usually ask more concrete and sometimes complicated questions to answer.

Stress alarm signs in children

Parents should be aware of what our children say and do, asking, listening and identifying their feelings. We have to know and be able to perceive the possible stress. Children often somatize it through discomfort and pain.

If we observe that our child's behavior changes and we are worried, we can consult with a professional who will clarify if there is something pathological. This can help us reassure our child and can provide him with the necessary tools to cope with the situation.

The family is a good place to talk positively and constructively, also about the evil in the world. Parents have to approach our children in a reassuring way and with words that transmit peace.

Explaining and sharing this type of situation helps us to educate in values, in virtues, speaking of justice, solidarity, love and forgiveness. It also allows us to give a transcendental vision to situations that are difficult to understand and accept, at least at first.

A good approach when we speak of "evil in the world", is to talk about the struggle that every human being has in its interior between good and evil. Surely it is easy to make children reflect on their own experience: to see that many times they can choose between acting well or badly (being generous, telling the truth, not getting carried away by anger, being obedient ...), and Maybe it's a simple way to explain that sometimes people choose to do evil, and that's why we can perceive that evil in the world.

And, in a positive way, we can explain to them that if we want there to be less evil in the world, we must fight every day to do good, individually, and as a family. This way we can change the discourse and make them see that they can make the world better, and good over evil triumphs.

Dove of Cendra. Psychologist and therapist

More information in the book Freedom and tolerance in a plural society. The art of living. Author Alfonso Aguiló.