If my child is experiencing bullying, should I encourage him to defend himself by hitting?

Many parents complain about the painful anguish they feel when their child is physically assaulted by their stalkers. What to do? I tell him to defend himself, what if he is beaten? Is it better to keep letting yourself be done? Within legimity, is it fair that as parents we tell our children to defend themselves with violence against their stalkers?

It is possible that all the parents have thought about it or we have done it at some time. Those situations that cause more suffering in the parents are those that have to do with the children. And when the children are being mistreated in their dignity, the pain of the parents is even deeper.

When our son arrives from school complaining that his classmates bother him at recess, that they do not let him play or even insult him, the most normal thing is that rage breaks loose and that our first impulse as parents is to protect them, and is in that state when we get phrases like "if you hit back," "if someone pushes you can also push" ... offering the child a series of resources, which, although they are with the best of intentions, do not help to resolve the conflict.


What can I do if my child is beaten?

Many of you will ask then ... What can I do if my son is beaten? What can I say? The reality is that to recommend them to use violence to defend themselves is completely inappropriate. It is true that we must teach them to defend themselves, but in an adequate and peaceful way, because if we teach them to respond to violence with more violence we are teaching them that aggressiveness is justified if someone bothers you and therefore they will use it.

What can I do as a father?

Children are in the process of acquiring and developing their skills and to be able to carry out this learning properly they need a model of reference, that they can imitate, that guides them and helps them in this process.


Here are some tips you can take in a bullying situation:

1. Support your child. Listen to him carefully when he tells you what is happening to him, that he knows he is not alone and that he is not doing anything wrong by asking for help. Help him to feel sure of himself by making them see that his worth does not depend on what others say.

2. Analyze the situation with our son, to know what has happened, how he reacted, what other children did, etc. to detect the resources available to the child when dealing with the situation and expand its repertoire of responses.

3. Teach them to be assertive, phrases like "do not hit me", "this I will not allow", "I told you to stop", withdraw from the situation, ask for help * are strategies to manage conflicts peacefully. We are also transmitting to the child that he should not endure violence.


4. Help you identify your emotions, to name what he feels and how to handle them. In this way the anger, the sadness, the anguish do not accumulate generating internal conflicts, but they learn to express them.

What can my child do?

Returning the blow or telling him to solve the problem can only make him feel more insecure and generate more tension, which will end up affecting his self-esteem.

Some of the strategies that we can give you to handle these conflict situations are:

1. Make yourself respected. To do this you must establish limits in a calm but firm way, when something bothers you, do not keep quiet, let it be known without fear of what others think.

2. Get help. Talking to adults, asking for help is not being a snitch or a coward, on the contrary, trying to solve it and getting out of the situation is the bravest thing you can do.

3. Stay away from those who do not respect. Do not forget that you can choose your friends, if a group is not respectful to your colleagues, separate yourself and look for colleagues who share your same values.

The first step in combating bullying is to teach children the tools they need to be able to cope with these situations of conflict without having to respond with the "eye for an eye".

Rocío Navarro Psychologist Director of Psicolari, integral psychology

Video: How To Stop Bullying. Teach Kids To Hit Back If Someone Hit Them?


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