The complexes and the lack of self-esteem: why do we underestimate ourselves?
Why do we underestimate ourselves? We do it when we believe ourselves inferior to others in our physical or intellectual aspect, and we feel unable to live up to others. This produces fears, complexes and lack of self-esteem, which sometimes are difficult to overcome.
The time that par excellence should be the most beautiful time of their lives, childhood, can become a real ordeal because of the complexes. After eight or nine years, children are able to assess the reactions that others have towards them and discern whether they are good or bad. For this reason, from kids we must teach them to think for themselves and decide on some of the things that directly affect them. Only in this way will they grow confident of themselves and be able to overcome all the rejections that come from outside.
Causes of the complexes
Some children have a defect (real or figurative) and others are required to believe that they are worthless because they always fail; one another develop an inferiority complex that does not let them enjoy these wonderful years. But the real complex arises when the child comes to the conviction that all he, his person, is not worth anything, does not matter to anyone.
Sometimes, we are both parents and teachers who demand more from the child than he can really give, which means not knowing his true psychological development. Even if he has pledged all his good will to do things well, he can not please anyone. If you are asked too much, you are not being given the chance to have any small success. Fails in everything that is required, therefore, think: "I'm worthless, I'll never get it." Any initiative of the child is canceled and his imagination, creativity and autonomy are not exercised.
Do you complex?
Sometimes, and with all the good intentions of the world, lwe parents project our own illusions on the children, without coming to understand that they are different people. This demand without meaning occurs because we fervently want them to be what we could not become. We talk and talk about how far he will go: he will study Medicine, like his mother; it will be a monster of mathematics, like the grandmother; will become the best athlete trained by the grandfather, who was national coach; or manager of a multinational, like his father. There is no room for the development of imagination and fantasy, for children's games: only serious occupations according to a plan for the future.
The defects exist: we have them all
Another important cause of the inferiority complex are the defects: any physical, constitutional or acquired defect over time (myopia, deafness), or psychic defect (lack of memory) can constitute the starting point of an inferiority complex; especially if parents, brothers or classmates make fun of him or despise him.
Sometimes a real inferiority is not necessary; a somewhat strange characteristic may suffice to attract to the child the nicknames or cruel (by unconscious) nicknames of his companions: the color of the hair, a stature that is too high or too low, etc. A tone of mockery, a hurtful phrase, even if it is not right, can make you complex. The child can not get rid of all those labels that they put on him and will end up getting used to the idea that, in effect, he is like that. Your own home should be a redoubt of joy and optimism, a place to regain strength and self-esteem; but it can become a nefarious place if unconscious parents dedicate themselves to highlight, by system, these same defects.
Customized demand
The best way to prevent them from forming inferiority complexes in children it consists in avoiding the errors of education that create them. And this is not easy because, in many cases, it is the parents themselves who suffered some complex of this kind from which they unconsciously wish to "make up". How many times is it said to any defect of the children: "I at your age ..."?
When we talked about a cause of the complex is exorbitant demand does not mean that children are left to do what they want. The secret of education is to get them to want what they should do. The boy should not do what he wants, but want what he does.
It is evident that our son needs to be demanded, but not above the "possible". You have to reach a threshold where the requirement is easy enough for the child to meet and difficult enough to overcome. This is advanced, because the threshold will rise.
Highlight your qualities
Both to fight against an inferiority complex and to prevent it, the children's strengths are fundamental. It will be necessary to patiently search for a quality in which it stands out especially. Surely it is easy: virtues, merits, hobbies, sports ...With this change of situation (from believing himself inferior, he comes to realize that he is good at something) he will be rehabilitating before his own eyes and those of his brothers; and this will be able to correct their complexes in time.
Do not wait to find one of those strengths to show the child that he does things right. Throughout the day there are a thousand opportunities to praise the well done: when he obeys, when he says something witty, etc. As parents we will know how to find many of these occasions that will reinforce your self-esteem: your family is in favor of it.
Against defects
And if it is a real inferiority -physical or psychic-, instead of trying to hide it from your eyes with the vain hope that you can ignore it forever, you will have to teach it to sublimate it and place it in its just importance. The first is a bit coward and unreal. Maybe at home you will not talk about it, but in the street they will pepper you ... and you can not be overprotecting him at every moment.
A boy who must live with a defect has much merit and you have to make him see it this way, so that he has a high concept of himself. Each one presents some limitations, more or less accused, which must be assumed and some remarkable qualities that must be developed and promoted.
Maria Lucea
