Jealousy between children, what parents can do
Family life is beautiful, but sometimes presents complications. Cohabitation sometimes leads to difficult situations to cope with. An example are the jealousy between siblings, something normal with the arrival of a new child at home since the older one feels displaced and feels envy for the care that this member receives.
While this situation is inevitable and is understood as 'normal' by families, it should be limited as much as possible. Parents must mediate between the brothers so that these jealousy do not alter the coexistence in the home and in this way avoid that the fights between the children are the note of the day to day. For this, the first step is to understand what goes through the minds of your children.
Why they are jealous
The Spanish Association of Pediatrics He points out as the main cause of jealousy among siblings the "imaginary and felt loss of affection", in particular, affection on the part of the mother. The arrival of a new child is understood as the reason for the apparent end of predilection that parents have for him. They are more frequent in the firstborn, when there is a great difference in age between siblings, in overprotected children and in homes with intense rivalry between adult relatives.
However, the parents They can also be the cause of jealousy among siblings by offering few opportunities for older siblings to participate or generating dependence on the little ones. They also influence comparisons with other children or sudden changes in the attitude of the parents before the birth of a small or little preparation for this fact.
This jealousy usually manifest as follows:
- Hostility and aggression towards the brother. Blows, bites, pinches, pushes or any action that seeks to hurt him, especially when parents do not look. This behavior is usually accompanied by hostility towards the mother manifested as systematic disobedience, bad mood or aggressive phrases. It is also possible that a non-conscious aggression appears, with loss of control, sphincters, reluctance, nervous tics, etc.
- Personality changes. They manifest through a constant interest in what the mother does. Isolation is also common, little talk, or as regression and infantilism behaviors such as asking for help to eat or for personal hygiene.
The attitude of parents
At this time, it is very important for parents to take the proper attitude to solve this situation and prevent jealousy from going further. Parents should take care to avoid these feelings in each of the stages of pregnancy, from when it occurs until the new child comes home:
- During pregnancy. During this process it is important that parents show peace of mind. Under no circumstances should emotional blackmail be used with phrases such as: "If you do not behave yourself we will love the little brother more when he comes". You should also avoid these attitudes in third parties such as uncles, grandparents or friends
- The birth. If you need help with child care during the days of childbirth, it is best to call your grandparent to stay at home and not leave your child. This could provoke in him a feeling that the new brother already displaces him.
Barring complications, it is recommended that the child go to the hospital on the same day of birth to see the child and the mother.
- The return home. The return home should take advantage of the moments when the child is out, once the little brother has arrived, we must allow the older to see and touch the little one, in order to reduce anxiety and curiosity. As much as possible should be encouraged to participate in care, but never as an obligation to prevent him from thinking he is a slave of the child.
Damián Montero
