3 keys to making brave children
How do you get a child not afraid of facing life, not constantly turning around in search of help from his parents, not refusing to go up on a slide he does not know or doing his first duties? There is three keys to making brave children: autonomy, confidence and support in failure.
If we look around and observe adolescents and young people, surely many of us agree that most of them are not brave, that is not the same as being daring. They are accustomed only to what they control, which is easier for them although there are hardly any risks and, above all, the most surprising thing is that when they try to risk a little and that risk does not go well, they sink easily. They are not used to suffering and that is why they stop trying again and risk. The reason is probably that, in their early stages of life, many of them have been constantly protected by their parents.
Encourage their courage: give them the opportunity to act
For children to develop that courage from childhood, the first and most important thing is to trust and believe they are capable. At no time should we underestimate the abilities of children because they are small, alone, lacking a lot to live or do not have knowledge. Let's not decide for them or let us know if they are going to be able or not. It will not stop surprising us the great capacity they have, much greater than we can imagine.
In a natural way, if a child is given the opportunity to do something, he will respond with force and will fight to achieve it. There is more to see how they struggle from the first moment to be born or to get to feed themselves, without barely having a few minutes of life and without knowing that they can count on us. We do not have to put out this innate force by wanting to live, discover and fight. Nor should we replace them. If we give them the opportunity and we also let them see that we do it voluntarily, it will be very likely that they will achieve it.
It may happen that they do not achieve it because they need help or some kind of material resource. In this case it is good that they themselves are the ones who realize that they will not achieve it, that they know the reason and that they try to get what they need to be able to reach their goal. They should ask for help or find a way to obtain the material resources they need.
Trust that they are capable
It is not only about giving them the opportunity, but they will also need to feel that we trust them. The motivation and confidence that they will be able to do will be what makes them try and move forward in the face of any difficulty. This motivation has to be sincere and real. It often happens that we try to give them the opportunity and we want them to see that we trust them, but deep down we think that they will not achieve it and end up perceiving this doubt. As much as we try to motivate them, since we do not do it in a sincere way and we do not believe that they are really going to achieve it, we can not transmit the spark they need.
Help them face failure
The process will not always be easy and may encounter obstacles and failures. Our role is to be there, simply to give them the opportunity to tell us how they are doing, what they need, how they feel. Sometimes, we will have to give them our help, guide them to the right path because they are not able to see exactly where they should go, lend them some kind of material resource or simply offer them the opportunity to vent, but make them brave by offering them the opportunity to do so. by themselves and letting them get confused.
We always have to be there. This is the most important role we should play as parents. We worry a lot about not letting them make mistakes, to avoid suffering, but we only manage to stop trying. What we should do is to encourage them to try it regardless of whether they are wrong or not and to be by their side when difficulties arise or when they become wrong, because that is when they need us the most.
At this moment there is no comment of the type "I told you not to do it!", "But how did you think of doing that?", "Do not you realize that ...?" It is not time to scold them because if we do, next time they will not try. It has taken a lot of effort, they have not succeeded and they also get a reprimand from their parents. We do not realize the importance of our words at this time, but if they feel this, their conclusion will be that it is not worth fighting or trying anything new that involves effort. They will adjust and do only what they control and that is easier for them in the best of cases. In a worse scenario, they will wait for others to do it instead.
When they have not achieved their objectives, it is important to show them that the error also serves as learning. It is clear that it is not a success either because you have not achieved what was intended, but seeing it as a failure does not help, since it can paralyze and discourage you.At this point we also have a fundamental role parents: make them see that the attempts also contribute and make them discover everything they have learned fighting to achieve their goal. First of all, we have to avoid the blockade.
And when everything fails ...
- Make them feel that we are with them and that we are proud because they have tried.
- Make them see that nothing happens because they were wrong, that there are many ways to redirect the situation.
-Help them analyze why they have reached this point and propose possible solutions to get out of the problem.
- Think about what you need to carry out those solutions.
- Regardless of the result they get to let them see that they have to be prouds of the effort made and that not achieving the objectives is not always a negative failure.
María Campo Director of NClic