Intergenerational conflicts, tips for solving them
Living together in a family is never perfect. There will always be situations in which points of view collide and a conflict arises between members of the household. Especially when there is a generation gap between parents and children that cause arguments that can raise the tone until unwanted limits.
These intergenerational conflicts tend to become more intense during the adolescence, stage in which children go through a stage of change in which the feeling of rebellion manifests itself. Knowing how to handle these situations will make the link between the members of the family grow and transform discussions into dialogues with which to improve coexistence.
Take the teenager's distance
The first step to solve generational conflicts is to accept what the adolescence. This stage passes through the estrangement of the children, due to the presence of a feeling of rebellion that makes the young people clash habitually with the parents' criteria. Once this situation is understood, the next step is always to be willing to dialogue and never forget that whoever is on the other side is a member of the family.
"Often teenagers, fathers and mothers misinterpret the reactions, interactions and emotions of the other side, and translating the meanings of things helps them to have more benevolent visions of each other," he explains. Gregorio Gullón, responsible for the Mediation Service between parents, mothers and their adolescent sons and daughters of the Union of
Family Associations, UNAF.
Parents have to understand on the one hand that their children they have grownor and that they deserve a certain degree of autonomy to function in their day to day. On the other hand, they must also make the adolescents understand that they still do not have the necessary knowledge to solve certain problems. Give confidence to young people in certain situations, but without forgetting that in others it is the parents who have to fulfill their role.
Resolution of the conflict
As always the dialogue It is the best tool to avoid these family conflicts. Sitting down to talk with the teenager when something starts to go wrong is important, these are some of the steps to follow in these situations:
- Know the problem. The first step is to know what happens to the adolescent, what happens to him to be in this situation and to have this feeling. Perhaps a scuffle with a partner or a sense of social isolation for not allowing him to go to a party is the origin of this situation.
- Raise the vision of parents. Without underestimating the adolescent's version, parents should offer their own vision and try to bring both positions closer together. In this way, the child is also given the opportunity to know what his parents think.
- Approach positions and propose alternatives. Once both positions have been put in common, the ideal is to put them together and find solutions that take into account both visions. For example, perhaps the son can go to the party of his friends, but under the conditions that his parents are the ones who take him and who is at home at a certain time.
- Do not sacrifice for the happiness of the children. Teens may give answers like "you do not love me and that's why you do not allow me to do that" or "you just want to see me unhappy." Do not give in to these answers and parents must stand firm.
- Remind them that they have support. Once the conflict is resolved, parents should encourage their children to come to them when they feel that way again. Making them see that they have support at home for when they feel bad and that they sit down to talk, resolves problems.