The first love in adolescents
Adolescence, and later, youth are the stages of life in which our ability to feel romantic love". Adolescents, or at least the vast majority of them, begin to experience this feeling when they reach that age.
Almost everyone remembers our first love in adolescence. And we almost always remember it because feeling that emotion for the first time leaves an indelible mark on human beings.
The influence of first love in adolescents
For parents it is a moment of relative anguish, since it is unknown to what extent this first love will affect adolescence in the young person and if the other person will be someone who supports and supports the values instilled in our children or, on the contrary, it will turn out to be someone toxic, harmful in its evolution.
Sometimes the fear that we face as parents is that in that age-defying rebellion, where young people consider themselves autonomous and with enough maturity to make their own decisions if we say no to a relationship we can generate the opposite effect, that is, that idealize the other person.
Given this we must have prudence, caution and good communication as a fundamental premise to relate to them, good communication where young people are comfortable to express their doubts or concerns about this issue will facilitate that if at any time need our help go to we.
Helping our children to communicate emotionally will give us the satisfaction of seeing an emotionally stable adult tomorrow. But for that we must also respect their opinions and It is essential that you do not criticize your partner. At this stage of their lives they tend to idealize, it is not that you can not tell them what you think, even if you do not like you should let them know, but always with respect, love, love and tolerance.
Adolescent love: when something does not work
Another issue that concerns parents is not knowing how to detect signs that something is not working well or that the "couple" of our son or daughter is exerting a negative influence on them that even the young person is not perceiving.
Always in adolescence and youth there are changes in the cognitive (way of thinking), emotional (way of feeling) and behavioral (way of behaving). What is necessary to evaluate is whether these types of changes are being distorted in a negative way by this new love relationship of the young person. That is to say, the important thing is to be attentive about whether these changes arise mean maladaptive changes, in a way that adversely affect the adaptive capacity of the young person to their environment and their happiness.
It is fundamental that we can detect, and the sooner the better, if the psychological changes (cognition, emotion and behavior) that arise in the young person imply psychological distress and a deterioration in their adaptive capacity in the family, social, personal and school environments.
When love arrives: changes in adolescents
If the new changes that arise are positive and positively affect their adaptive capacity, there is nothing to worry about and you just have to reinforce and motivate the child to continue in that direction. If the new changes that emerge are, on the contrary, negative and maladaptive, we must intervene quickly.
In summary, we can not and should not prevent our children at this stage from knowing about someone with whom, with love, respect and commitment, start the path of a relationship with the intention of forming a life Proyect. We as parents must be by your side, supporting you and serving as an example. We have to offer ourselves as a channel of communication for possible doubts or complicated situations new to them that may arise.
In the event of any change that may be considered to be affecting their personal development, do not hesitate to be for them a "place" where they can find tranquility and the confidence to express their fears and concerns. If the home transmits this confidence, it is probably they who seek you when any adversity arises.
Raquel García Zubiaga. Psychologist Institute of Applied Neurosciences to Education (INAE)