10 areas of conflict in the family: ideas to solve them

Face a conflict that is repeated at home with children requires stopping to think to find the causes and possible solutions. To facilitate the task of resolve conflicts It is convenient to make a list of everything that alters our children and ourselves. We must focus on everything we tell them to do and do not like to do and protest, and on the actions we tell them to do and do not want to do. If we think about it, most of the conflicts with our sons and daughters are for these two reasons.

Work as a team in the resolution of family conflicts it is fundamental, that is, the parents must act jointly and in the same direction so that there are no fissures. Since we get up in the morning, until we go to bed at night there can be many opportunities not to leave the page blank.


10 areas of conflict in the family

The scheme that follows can help us. The main family conflicts can be grouped into ten categories.

The smart traffic light

Once the list of conflicts has been filled out, now it is necessary to group them in colors, in three types of situations, in order to establish a different scheme of action in each case. For this we will use the technique of the intelligent traffic light, which consists of "choosing between", that is, making decisions.

- Red light: Conflicts that have to be under the control of adults are included in this section. Children can not make decisions, and parents must assume the role and responsibility to protect their children. It is the space where an authority is exercised in an empathic manner, that is, taking into account the position and opinion of the other. It is a comprehensive "NO", but non-negotiable.


- Yellow traffic light: Control of the situation can and should be shared. It is a negotiating process. Children have the resources to participate and decide, but they need help and adult supervision. Commitments are established jointly with the children, and their decision-making is trusted and respected.

- Green traffic light: the control of the situation and the responsibility is entirely of the children. Responsibility has been transferred, and they already choose their alternatives and assume the consequences of their management. Parents learn not to decide or fail, instead their role is to accompany and be available when the children see fit. It is very important to get children to perceive that their decisions are respected.

In the family environment these three colors must exist. At any age. When all the decisions are made by the parents, or when all the decisions are made by the children, the conflict inevitably appears. Therefore, the equilibrium, adjusted to each evolutionary stage, of these three zones is fundamental, that is, knowing how to differentiate when to say no, when to negotiate, or when to leave to do, and to be coherent when applying it, for the positive management of conflict.


Marisol Nuevo Espín

It may interest you:

- Holidays without family conflicts

- The leadership and authority of parents in the family

- Assertiveness: how to say no

Video: Restorative Practices to Resolve Conflict/Build Relationships: Katy Hutchison at TEDxWestVancouverED


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