The couple and their respective families
When two people start a new family nucleus, each one brings a "backpack" of previous experiences obtained in their family of origin, that will influence, will even determine in some way the coexistence between the spouses.
Talk about our families during the courtship
Communication is a very important element among the future spouses. ANDThe theme of interpersonal communication reached during the twentieth century a great importance among sociologists, psychologists, educators, educators and other specialists in human relations. They concluded that many of the problems that existed among people were related to lack of communication, as well as an inadequate way of transmitting ideas and emotions.
Since then, different studies have been devoted to verify one of the maxims that our predecessors had very clear: men and women are different, and the way of communicating is also different.
We must not forget that what is very important to one person is not necessarily important to the other. To form a family implies abandoning, improving or assuming different behaviors and habits that were previously very useful to us, or at least did not cause discomfort to others involved. This is also true in communication.
To listen well, they have to 'tune in' both
A marriage that begins its journey will benefit greatly if it learns to know the meanings of the gestures, the tones of voice, the positions of each one. Both to understand each other and to resolve natural conflicts, communication skills are of great interest.
When we know each other's family, it is important to establish a relationship as natural as possible, not to force situations, as this can harm rather than help. When the other knows ours it is better not to pretend to be a perfect family. Each family is different and has its own characteristics.
Limits that we must put to families
Couples who have not managed to establish a good relationship with their own parents or those who have not managed to find the proper distance and some independence from them, can live difficult situations with the in-laws. In the future, when children come, it is necessary to understand that children see their grandparents through the eyes of their parents. If they treat their parents with respect, the child will perceive them and, consequently, respect their grandparents; On the contrary, when parents criticize or treat them disparagingly, they are teaching their children to do the same.
It is important to note that it is the parents who must establish the standards, and the grandparents must support it. Ultimately, it must be the parents who make the decisions and mark the basic lines in the education of their children.
The educational coherence It is of utmost importance for the integral development of children and, furthermore, it is necessary to generate a good emotional climate. To do this, parents should clarify to the grandparents the educational goals and purposes they intend with their children. Educational success will depend on such coherence and / or rationality.
In the event that the parents-in-law, his or her parents, have learned toSome rules that are really uncomfortable, it must be the son or daughter who speaks with love with them. If even then, it does not work, yes you can use other types of actions that being subtle facilitate the in-laws that change the behavior. For example, if you leave the key to have it, and despite having said that please do not use it unless it is necessary, they simply continue to do so ... maybe pick up that key by telling them in a kind tone to make them understand the situation: "we will have the key for a while". Or if it has been commented that on Sunday they prefer to eat together as a family and grandparents seem offended, make them see that they can alternate on Sunday to go with them, but that there are also other plans that can be made with family or friends.
Grandparents may rectify or really do not know how to act; These are new situations for everyone, but in this case, it is the spouses who, with affection and patience, should explain what they want to guide them towards the adaptation of their behaviors.
Mar García Sánchez. Psychologist from the Valencian Institute of Creative Pedagogy - MSM You may be interested in:- How to be a grandparent ten
- The marriage of the children
- The grandparents and their relationship with the family
