Steps to overcome a rupture: why is love over?
Love is one of the most wonderful emotions that people can feel. Love makes us experience a feeling of well-being, that we can not compare with other sensations, but it also causes us discomfort when love ends. Love can make us very happy, but also very unhappy. A sentimental break is one of the most complicated situations that people can go through, and it is not always difficult to overcome them.
What happens when love is over
Love is one of the most wonderful emotions that people have, and love breaks become one of the hardest and most painful situations in people's lives. The pain associated with love breakups is related to a set of losses experienced by the person, associated with the loss of the loved one.
- The loss of the beloved person and his physical closeness. The loss of the gestures of affection, of the company. But there is another series of losses with an equal or greater emotional impact:
- Loss of support that the beloved person gave us, with the support the security is lost and a certain feeling of helplessness and insecurity appears.
- The loss of our role as a couple. We stop being two people, of behaving as a couple, making plans as a couple, etc. we stop being us to be a me. A sense of lack of belonging, and of loneliness may appear.
- The loss of joint projects. When we start a relationship, each person makes a mental project, creates future plans in relation to the other person. The rupture is a loss of those projects, illusions and plans that we had in common. When this occurs, a sense of disorganization and disorganization appears.
- The loss of affection. We lose the person but we also lose the affection that person "felt towards us".
In addition to all these losses, a contradictory process occurs. We move away from that person, we are forced to rebuild our lives, but we have some emotions, some affection towards that person and those emotions, that love, affection and affection does not disappear overnight. Sometimes, those emotions take the form of rancor or hatred, but they need time to relocate.
Why the ruptures are painful
The ruptures therefore represent a set of losses and a gap in the feeling we have towards the loss person. All this makes it necessary to produce a psychic and emotional readjustment, which is necessary to overcome the rupture.
This adjustment takes time and occurs throughout a process that is called the grieving process. The grieving process is necessary to make sense of the losses and to relocate feelings. Depending on each person, the grieving process can be more or less strong and more or less long, usually lasting around one year.
The duel is something natural and necessary to reach the overcoming. The phases of grief are denial and isolation, anger, depression and acceptance. The elaboration of the loss is a slow and painful process of emotional and psychological readjustment. The dear person represents security, and his loss implies a sense of abandonment, ingratitude and injustice. The person is lost and with it the affections, dreams, illusions and expectations are also lost. Self-esteem suffers a blow, since it is no longer nourished by that love and that security that the established link provided.
5 steps to overcome a sentimental break
The love ruptures and the duel that they entail can be overcome. It is a process of readjustment and reaffirmation of the self. After the grieving process the person leaves strengthened. The steps for this process that involves the resolution and overcoming of the grief are:
1. Recognize the situation and accept the losses. Nothing happens to feel pain, it is normal and natural. Accept the situation and the pain.
2. React to pain, learn from pain, and seek new interpretations of your losses.
3. Adapt and readpone yourself. People have a great capacity for adaptation, somehow our mind gradually finds its way.
4. Focus on yourself and recognize your emotions. Little by little, it modifies the thoughts.
5. Dedicate yourself to those things that generate well-being, and try new things, in this way you will have goals and little by little your mind will focus on them.
Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.
