Child overprotection: how to avoid raising useless children

Child overprotection beyond 10 years? Yes, also at these ages many parents fall into the error of hyperpaternity. Their natural predisposition as hyper-parents is to solve all their problems for the children, to do all the tasks. "Do not worry, mom and dad are here so you do not suffer!" They think that the greater the amount of care, the greater the affection they give to their children. The excess of worry it hinders them in the development of their personality and can lead to creating immature children, insecure and with low decision-making capacity.

Useless children: the consequence of child overprotection

Child over dependence or overprotection can be double-edged weapons; and that all extremes are bad. Is not it a paradox that the mother is normally away from home nowadays and children and young people are more overprotected than before? Why are we filled with immature, insecure, irresponsible young people, without ideals, without wanting to get married, to form a family, to become independent, ... to help even their parents? Would it be very hard to call them useless?


We all know that children from birth, need care and pampering that will vary depending on growth and age. Since the child is born, so dependent on their parents, their life consists of "the conquest of independence." What are the consequences of overprotecting children?

The child begins exploring the world around him and gradually separates from his mother. At school age, from 6 or 7 years, the child is in new and difficult situations for him. In this stage, according to the psychiatrist Sergio Muñoz Fernández, the autonomy and independence reached so far is put to the test, at the same time that it will be a source that contributes to increasing this autonomy and will be manifested in being more participative, sharing with others, learning to defend themselves and begin in the free choice of their ideas.


Independence and responsibility as opposed to hyperpaternity

Psychologist Carmen Virginia Rodríguez says that when we speak of independence we mean responsibility, and this is not something that is granted overnight. As children, the children take on small responsibilities: taking care of their siblings, picking up the phone, waiting where we left off, studying when the parents are not home, keeping the word given ... and so, little by little, the child is gaining confidence and the respect of their parents and others. The day will come when the parents will say proudly, "I trust you," a phrase that every child should hear. Or better, "son I love you and I trust you".

According to family therapist Eva Nieves Acosta, lChildren must assume responsibilities from 6 years old. During adolescence, more firmness on the part of the parents is needed since the no stage is renewed. But always based on the example: "We can not demand what we do not give" says the specialist in human behavior Carmen Virginia de Pernas.


Many times, it is easier for parents to solve a child's problem than to help them cope with it. Parents should let their children face their problems from a young age.

What will he do when dad or mom is not there?

A clear example of an overprotected son. The little one quarrels with another at school. He arrives home annoyed. His parents immediately want to go to the school to stand up for him. In addition, they can not agree on how to do it and enter to discuss among themselves. The child sees and hears everything: they are causing serious damage.

What will he do when dad or mom is not there? The most likely is that the child "overprotected" is alone, because other children do not want to play with him, lest they cheat their parents, and their friends do not want to face any parent because they know they have the to lose.

This case is relatively frequent in families where the father comes out in defense of his son against other children, as if his son were foolish. The father, should have spoken with his son, listen carefully, seek between both solutions but always, teach him to deal with his little problem.

Many experts think that overprotective parents give "too much" for their own unsatisfied needs. However, they do not realize that when this child grows up, nothing he or she does will be enough to make their parents feel satisfied, compensated and meet their emotional needs.

The result of over pampering during childhood

According to Dr. Elba Garber, the result of over pampering during childhood, creates in those children an attitude of passive waiting for people to give them.In addition, the overprotected child believes himself to be special, entitled to everything and sometimes better than others, which in the background hides low self-esteem.

In short, he feels dragged in two opposite directions. Therefore, parents are frustrated in the long run and think: "This is a bad son, I gave him my whole life and my strength, and now look ... he does not want to see me". And is that suffocating a child gets it to run. Let's try to educate our children in responsibility and freedom since they were little.

The child with Down syndrome

If in some cases the overprotection is justified, it is with the children with Down syndrome. The anxiety of the parents leads them to avoid dangers or risks to the child, greatly restricting their field of action. This delays the basic habits of self-care (dressing, eating, etc.) and also makes children fearful of making decisions or doing things for themselves.

A study carried out in the Institute of Special Education Amancer showed the harmful consequences of overprotection in children with Down syndrome in psychological development: asocial behavior, aggression, insecurity, difficulty in decision making, dependence, egocentrism, selfishness, obsessive in motor development: difficulty in language and writing, difficulty in attention, sphincter control, little body expression.

Maria Lucea
Advisors: Maite and Liliana Mijancos. Family Counselors.

Video: 10 Traits of Toxic Parents Who Ruin Their Children’s Lives


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