Hyperpaternity: why are we overprotective parents?
Parents can not be overly concerned about meeting the needs of our child at the time and preventing or avoiding any harm or suffering. Exercising hyper-parents we do not do him a good, nor do we help him to strengthen his will. We parents can not be constantly alarmed and warn our children of all the dangers that lie in wait for us or because we would be turning them into scared children.
It is positive that they launch themselves to carry out, as far as possible, activities with a reasoned risk. "Suffering a little" makes children strong. Someday they will thank us. Sacrifice and austerity do not produce frustrations.
Hyperpaternity: why we overprotect our children
According to psychologist Carmen Birke, these are the main reasons why hyperpaternity prevails in our society, a model of parenthood that is characterized by overprotecting children too much. This explains why this psychologist and what moves some parents to practice hyperpaternity.
1. Parents who have had overprotective parents they always tend to repeat that model.
2. Parents who do not want to repeat the lack of affection that they had to experience them and go to the opposite extreme.
3. Case of adoptive parents who seek to compensate for the lack of biological paternity.
4. Senior parents: they are becoming more frequent, because people get married more and more.
5. Children who are educated with grandparents because parents are always too busy with their work and other "obligations".
6. Parents of an only child or two children who suffer from great solitude, and parents try to replace the lack of siblings with their own presence. But there is no doubt that the role of the brothers is not substitutable for the parents: for their hierarchical situation in the house, their conversations, their support in the school, etc. The brothers are a great source of benefits.
7. Parents with guilt: When work keeps them away from home for a large part of the day, they compensate for that absence with excessive pampering, compromising attitudes that harm children: - "poor thing, how am I going to quarrel when I am with him, if I hardly see him?"
8. Separated or divorced parents They compete to see if the child is more comfortable in one house or another, resulting in an almost impossible education.
Recipe to avoid hyperpaternity and child overprotection
The consequences of overprotecting children are negative. Although it is done with the best of intentions, we must not commit mistake of overprotecting children nor save them in every situation that takes them out of their comfort zone.
If you want your child not to be:
Immature; Unsafe; Low self-esteem; With little decision capacity; Clumsy; Selfish; Suffer excessively when he does not have his parents; That he does not know how to face problems alone; I have fears and anxieties.
Do not forget that the secret is in:
Your authority; Your self-control; Your autonomy; Your self-esteem Your generous and unconditional love to make him a child now and an adult then mature, confident, capable, free, responsible and above all happy.
Tips to avoid exercising hyperpaternity
- Duties, the child must perform them autonomously. "I just do not get the problem," our son can tell us. Well, we must help him to reason, never solve the task for him, neither with friends nor with teachers ...
- Caprichos. The child who also consumes everything he wants (trinkets, branded clothes, whims instantly, soft drinks), will have more difficulties when facing more serious problems that will bring life in the future.
- Problem resolution. If the child becomes accustomed to the fact that all of his tasks, obligations, tasks are resolved by others or by his parents, he will end up carrying his responsibilities over others. The world will revolve around him.
Do you think you overprotect your children too much?
You are on time to change and stop overprotecting your children. The first day that your child comes with a problem and says, "Please solve it," listen to him and say: "What solutions do you propose? Between the two of us, we can find the best one, the best one, but you just have to face it If you do not do it now, when you grow up you will not know how to do it and we will not be able to solve it. " Our son must learn to reason and come to a conclusion, also with our help.
Our task is not to defend our son from evil, but rather to train him, so that with his strength he fights all his life.
Marisol Nuevo Espín
