We are the mirror of our children: overwhelmed to set an example?
Part of our children's life learning is consolidated on our own experience. We try by all means to inculcate opinions, values and attitudes towards life based on our own experience. Either to follow our steps or precisely to avoid a problem that we have already had to deal with, the truth is that we are the mirror of our children and we become the role model for young people.
Throughout childhood, our children look for people in their environment who become their guides, figures that they themselves choose and in which they set to develop both their personality and their vision of life. These models are usually, in the first instance, the parents. ¿We feel overwhelmed for setting an example? If we know how to act, we do not have why.
This search is most evident during pre-adolescence and adolescence, when children begin their process of "finding themselves" on their way to adulthood. It is at this time that they can identify those people who are really going to provide relevant experiences.
How to be the mirror of our children
And for this relationship to really work, what should we do?
- The implication by both parties. It is no good for our son to seek help or advice if we are not able to realize and pay attention.
- Support is essential. For this reason, if they do not choose us as a model and feel closer to an uncle or friend of the family, for example, our responsibility will be to enhance the relationship with this person, as long as we consider that he is trustworthy and that he will exercise a positive influence
- Offer information. If we want our son to do things like us, there is no point in imposing criteria, but to inform on why we make certain decisions. They must learn that we do not move only by impulse and that each act we carry out is based on concrete decisions. Thus, they will understand the reason for our actions, in such a way that in the future they will have the necessary tools to act.
- Safety climate. For them it is very important to create a climate in which they feel safe. Above all, you have to avoid judging them or feeling attacked. The relationship with your guide must be completely trustworthy, so that they see you as their role model and to make them feel comfortable with their actions.
- Avoid pressure. Sometimes for lack of information or simply because the situation exceeds us, we can tend to feel a certain burden that we transfer to them as well. Trying to relax and dedicate a minute for ourselves will help control the situation, to feel calmer.
Regardless of the relationship we have with our children, what is important, therefore, is to generate a climate of tranquility. Parents, applying proactive parenting techniques, can feel calm and confident about ourselves when transferring our knowledge. This will be the only way to transmit strength to them as well.
Deanna Marie Mason, expert in education and family health. Blog author Dr. Deanna Marie Mason. Proactive fatherhood Professional support for the modern family.