Teen vanity: living facing the gallery
There is adolescents who boast of freedom and authenticity, that perhaps they repeat that nobody influences them and then it turns out that they obediently obey customs and slogans that fashion establishes as untouchable. They are deceived by the fascination of phrases or ideas in vogue, but they hardly delve into them. Thibon referred to this phenomenon when he said that "for those, the truth is what is said, the beauty, what is taken, and the good, what is done".
To these teenagers full of vanity who live facing the gallery it does not distress them to have or not reason. They are terrified, however, to think of things that were fashionable yesterday but are not today. They lack style. The only thing they know is to choose, among the diverse opinions that circulate, the one that seems to them that they are better and consume their life without having engendered a thought that they can say is theirs. In the end, they see themselves doing real juggling to always take an intermediate position and, above all, so that no one will dismiss them as outdated.
Inferiority complex camouflaged
Basically, what happens to many of these adolescents is that they suffer from a strange inferiority complex that leads them to be willing to decapitate all their moral norms rather than allow them to be accused of being scoundrels, lacking in "personality", antiquated or childish.
For them it does not count what they think or feel, it only matters the last thing they have heard or read, what the group says, the majority, what is fashionable. Even in some cases they make tremendous sacrifices to be thinner, get the money needed to buy branded clothing, to look like a "chocolate tablet", to wear the smoothest hair despite being burned with so much iron, etc. They only want to be accepted for the rest without first asking themselves "to love themselves" as they are and with what they have.
This life facing the gallery prevents them from building their true life and being so preoccupied with pretending, family or friendship relationships are always difficult, because the lack of naturalness ends up being mutual: they appear to be different than they actually are and the others pay them with the same currency. They are boys and girls who can finally find themselves very alone, because their time has been devoted to admiring themselves and being admired, instead of worrying about others, taking care of friends and helping those around them.
The 'what they will say': the concern of adolescents
The concern for the "what they will say" is based on being well groomed, so they can say or think about others, or because of the uncontrolled need for everyone to admire their path. We must explain to them that one should not go through life constantly to the oscillation of what others think or say about us, They would end up going crazy, because it is impossible to please all those with whom we cross. What they will say is an overwhelming concern that befalls many people. It can be like a kind of terror to make a fool of yourself, an obsession to be like everyone else or an excessive concern for your own image that can become really harmful. It's not about being a weird guy, different from everyone.
Also here is that look for a sensible balance, to reasonably follow the fashions without being a slave to them. Especially of the fashions of "the dressmakers of the mind", which is that kind of mental pap that some sell so successfully to those who are capable of sacrificing their freedom of thought, in exchange for always being equal to others and not attracting attention.
Tips to avoid living facing the gallery
- It is good to know how to adapt to the reality that surrounds us, but knowing that there are certain things that should not be given or that you can not have. Make your daughter see, for example, that the style is more to know how to put the right detail -like a scarf around the neck- and to combine clothes and colors well, to wear the label of a well-known brand. Possibly this "natural" elegance makes her a point of reference in the dress of her friends.
- If you find that your child looks after his personal appearance just because he feels superior to others, You can advise him to open his eyes a little and discover the qualities of others, since it is an excellent way to learn to be more humble. Take advantage of a day of shopping and that goes enumerating positive traits of the character of each of his friends, without needing to mention how they dress.
- Your teenager may spend hours and hours in front of the mirror And still, do not be sure you like what it reflects. You can propose to be less punctilious about his physical appearance, be more condescending with himself, make him think about how well he will spend that afternoon and not so much in whether his friends will think if he goes "cool" or not. On the way back he tells you how he passed it and reinforce again that he has been "even without being completely satisfied with how you were dressed".
- There are seasons that we observe that our son or daughter neglects his personal arrangement too much: disheveled, little care hair, unflattering clothes, etc. It is good to inquire, tactfully, if it hides something deeper, a concern that reflects externally with its carelessness.
Adolescents are at an ideal stage to undertake solidarity actions. Organize a visit to the Cotolengo, an asylum, an orphanage, etc. There it is easy to see and understand the absurdity of the preoccupation with what we pretend, to discover that we have much more than many people and how these visits are appreciated by those who reside there ... without the need to spend a single euro.
Ana Aznar
Advice: Alfonso Aguiló. President of CECE
