This is how his first friends are: the friendship of 3 to 6 years
After four years, the child will begin to open up to other people. Until now, we had been his main playmates and diversions. I did not need anyone else to have a great time. Instead, after his fourth birthday, our son will begin to enjoy the beautiful with other children his age. In fact, the beginning of the preschool stage will mark the appearance of first friends and playmates.
For the first time our son has "little friends". A concept that was totally unknown to him and that now, as if by magic, has begun to take on a transcendental importance in his life. They will be the first friends with whom he will sit in the sandbox of the park, with whom he will argue for the bucket or shovel but with whom he will not begin to entertain and actively play until he is a little older.
The true friendship in childhood
For our son to start having his first friends is a very important step that will allow him to train in social relationships in the future. But make no mistake, most likely, is that these new friendships do not survive the passage of time. And it is that, you can not compare the friendship of four or five years with that of adolescence. True friendship crystallizes and usually becomes lasting when young people arrive, when common interests are delimited more. While our son is small, his playmates will not be more than that, companions with whom to train and practice in coexistence.
Social maturation: ability to make friends
Sociability is a natural process that will change over the years. When our son reaches adolescence he will take the last steps towards total social maturation.
Then and only then will he be able to make friends and keep them beyond the hair pulling and the mid-afternoon pouts. He will no longer want to be friends with his friends to satisfy his own needs but also those of others. Meanwhile, their social relationships will be based fundamentally on other aspects such as company, proximity, common interests or similar hobbies (running, jumping or playing the ball, for example).
First friends: learn to live with others
Regarding their behavior with other children, especially in their first years of life, it may cause us some concern. Even if it's been weeks, for example, you will not miss them too much. When you see them in the park you will be happy, but if it were not like that you will not give much importance either. The same thing will happen when the children you play with are not available: You will sit next to any other boy or girl with total disregard.
A common trait in relationships at these ages will be pushing, fighting and arguing. At these ages the children of the house are not yet very skilled in social relations and therefore it is not uncommon to play (their main way of relating and making new friends) want the same as others children and fight over it.
A simple workout
What we should never give up is that our son has friends. It is true that the sensitive period of friendship will come later (between 12 and 15 years) but this can not be an excuse for not working this facet of our children. If we manage to gradually become accustomed to living together, to respect, to develop and strengthen certain habits then we will have paved the road a great deal. What we can not demand of a ten-year-old boy who has hardly had friends until now is that he is an expert in respect or in urbanity, for example, but had the opportunity to train in these habits at the time.
Change of friends
An aspect that is usually cause of concern among parents is the change of friends at these ages. The transfer of daycare, school, home or neighborhood usually leads to the loss of the relationships that the child had previously. Obviously, in these cases the separation is not as painful or traumatic as it could become in adolescence.
Young children are much more flexible and moldable in this sense: if they are comfortable in their new environment they will not miss the previous one. Always, yes, after a brief period of adaptation that in most cases is usually limited to two or three months.
Making new friends
As with any virtue if we want to foster friendship in our children we will have to first praise him every time he makes a social achievement no matter how small it may be. In addition, we will have to arm ourselves with patience. Your first steps will not be as perfect and wonderful as we expected but this is something completely normal.
Afterwards, we will have to offer you concrete opportunities to interact with other boys and girls of your age.If we go down to the park every afternoon for a while, for example, to usual strength our son will begin to interact with the other children who are there playing. The same will happen if we sign you up for a group swimming course or any other activity of your age. The important thing when you have four or five years is to offer them the opportunity (games at home, sports, tickets for daycare companions at home, excursions ...) then, everything else, usually comes "almost" shot.
Elena López
