Babies and the crisis of strangers: Mom, I want with you!
The fear of strangers It is often a disorder that occurs transiently in children. Around six months, most children begin to perceive that there is a world completely alien to mom and dad and that scares them.
To help you overcome this temporary insecurity we will have to prepare the way beforehand: ato habitually receive visitors, walk around the park frequently, put him to play with other children from the first day ... These are some of the tricks that will allow you to face this crisis when the time comes.
Almost all bEbés of six or eight months go through the "crisis of strangers." This very frequent process is characterized, fundamentally, by fear and insecurity in the face of unknown persons and situations. The child rejects with tears and tantrums everything that supposes a novelty in his life: a friend of the family, the nursery, the new kangaroo that we have just hired ...
Unconsolable llantinas by the crisis of strangers
Thus, he does not allow anyone, except his father or his mother, to take him in his arms or to give him a carantoña. We are his world and when he feels that he is "in danger" he takes a tremendous tantrum. He cries when we go away, when he wakes up and discovers that we are not there and is anguished in the separations, even if they are produced for brief moments.
All these reactions have their explanation. And, it is precisely from six or eight months when the child begins to understand that is a being independent of their parents and therefore to become aware of himself as a person.
It's not as bad as it seems
But this feeling of anguish for the separation of our son is not as negative as at first glance it may seem to us. First, because his fear of "the strange" is a natural rejection: We all have difficulty familiarizing ourselves with a stranger or, simply, with new situations. Secondly, because this frustration that our baby manifests through crying strengthens him for the future: It is evident that we can not always be by your side and that tomorrow will have to overcome by itself rather unpleasant situations from your point of view (the first day of school, for example).
In any case, not all babies go through this crisis. There are some children who are very social since they are born and when the first separations arrive they do not manifest any type of insecurity or, if they do, it is almost imperceptible.
Plan of shock against the crisis of strangers
To help you overcome this situation we will have to implement a "shock plan". From the first day, for example, we will take you out more so that you can meet other children. At first, given his young age, he will be unable to play with them, but these first relationships will allow him to introduce himself little by little into the interesting world of social relations.
We will also try to play with him at home. Games like the traditional "Cucú-Tras" will allow you to understand concepts as important as the fact that a person disappears from your sight it does not cease to exist.
Also, when the time comes and our child begins to feel insecure we will try to stay by his side as much as we can, as far as possible, introducing changes in his routine and in his life: If our little one is going through the crisis of strangers, it may be more appropriate to wait a few weeks before leaving with the babysitter or take him to the nursery.
Tips for your baby to overcome the crisis of strangers
1. A system so that the child begins to understand that things do not cease to exist by disappearing is playing with him to hide his toys. To do this we can start by covering with a handkerchief his favorite stuffed animals. When you find them, you will not only be filled with joy, but you will also have learned a very important lesson.
2. If you are going to the nursery and it takes a somewhat insecure and scary season, it is convenient that we wait before doing it. Most likely, our child will overcome this anxiety in four or five weeks and then he will be ready to face this new change.
3. Acuse as soon as possible to interact with other children. In this way, we will habituate him to be more sociable and therefore he will overcome with greater ease the fear of strangers when the time comes.
4. If we are unsociable, insecure and we have few friends, it is likely that our son ends up behaving in the same way. To avoid this situation we must try to make an effort to open up to others, so our little one will do the same tomorrow.
5. There are little ones who are not sociable by nature. If our baby is like that, let's not force him too much.It is better that we allow him to adapt to strangers at his own pace because not everyone has the same character and our son may need more time to know and love those around him.
6. Even if it costs us the separation we must accustom our little one to be with other people from the first day. So do not give up on our outings from time to time. Spending a few hours with grandparents or with your uncles and cousins can be a very beneficial experience for our baby facing the future.
Do I say goodbye or I disappear?
One of the most typical fears at these ages is the separation of parents. The idea that when mom or dad goes out the door of home is not to return is the most usual in children. Therefore, if our son starts crying every time we go out without him, we will not get used to disappearing in front of him. In these cases, it is much better to leave him entertained with a game and then leave.
When he is a little older and we have to leave we will explain that we have to leave for a certain time and that at a specific time we will return to be with him. Of course, if we told him that we would arrive home at five in the afternoon, let's try to be punctual. In this way, you will not only overcome your fears, but you will be very clear that you can always trust our word.
Marisol Nuevo Espín
It may interest you:
- The crisis of crying children
- Separation anxiety in children
- Advice for adapting to daycare or nursery school
- Child attachment and the anguish of separation