The jealousy of the dethroned prince

In the midst of the generalized joy at the birth of the second child, the older child may feel that his affective world is shaking. Your imagination will try to satisfy the innumerable doubts that arise in the face of new circumstances and you will need more than ever to feel the love of your parents. Feel the dethroned prince It will sow many doubts in your inexperienced mind and it is very possible that you feel jealousy, and afraid to be displaced from their affection.

Even when the parents have tried hard not to spoil him, the first child always perceives that the arrival of the new brother takes away the exclusivity that until then he enjoyed.

In this situation, reactions or jealousy of the dethroned prince they can be of all kinds - unjustified curiae, attacks on their "rival", unbearable behavior, self-harm ...-, but we should not be afraid of them. The important thing is that the child suffers and that at those times he not only needs his parents to love him, but to feel loved.
The jealousy and anxiety are not more than the manifestations of affective imbalance in a particularly sensitive period.


Everyone waits for the arrival of the baby

So that the child does not feel jealousy and understands the arrival of the baby as a beautiful event and that he must wait with hope, it is fundamental that he sees the birth as something natural.

Until that moment, everything has revolved around the king of the house, and it would not make sense that the arrival of a new member to the family was a news whose joy he is not invited to participate.

For the child to enjoy the excitement of waiting you can resort to little tricks, how to make him palpate the mother's belly, that intervenes in the preparation of the basket and the skirts, you inform him of the projects ... Going to see some newborn son of friends will undoubtedly help you to get an idea of ​​what you will soon find in your home.


Ideas to prepare the meeting

Another important point is that the child does not feel abandoned at the time of the birth of his brother. Organize so that one of the people most linked to your child - grandparents or uncles - will be in charge of taking it with them.

In this way, it will not relate the birth of the baby to the terrified abandonment of the parents, leaving it forgotten at home. In any case, it will have been an exciting and novel night in another place where they love you and treat you beautifully.

Also, do not want the child to go to the clinic immediately. It's better than two days later and see your mother in conditions, that you do not take her immediately and that you find her exhausted and tired. In these circumstances, she will not be able to give him the attention that he needs and to which he has all the right in the world.

In the clinic: ideas for the first contact


It is also important that the first time see your brother in the crib. Finding the baby in the mother's arms, and feeding it at that moment, can cause the child a negative impression that is easily avoidable.

Once his mother has caressed him and kissed him, and asked him about his things, he can explain to him that he has to feed his little brother and he will find it logical. It's not about doing things behind your back, but about order your impressions.

It is not a bad idea that you have prepared a small gift in the baby's crib for your older brother. He will feel excited and in case they already point out some jealousy, he will relegate them to oblivion for a while. The gift will help you see the newborn as someone who pretends to be your friend, rather than as a competitor.

The advantages of being the greatest

The first days after returning home you have to pay special attention to the older one, so that you do not feel displaced from the love of your parents. He is probably irritable and moody, but the speeches will not be worth anything and, of course, it is not the time to scold him. What you need are continuous demonstrations of affection.

Do not skimp kisses, hugs, caresses and somersaults in the air. He should note that his parents' love has multiplied: they not only love him as before, but also want the newcomer.

It is also the time to make him see that it is not the prince who is dethroned but the eldest and who has certain privileges that are forbidden to the baby because he is small. Being able to sit down to eat with his parents, know how to wash his hands and take his glasses to dad can be a wonderful thing for him and will prevent him from wanting to imitate the baby's behavior-peeing in bed, crying continuously-to get attention.

An excellent help

It is normal that the child has some tantrum and wants to hit the little brother, so it is not advisable to leave them alone. But do not lock the older one but the small one. With a horn you can know if the baby has woken up, while the eldest can move with the freedom of before.You must understand that you feel an almost irresistible attraction for the cradle, but do not abruptly depart from it.

It will also help feel useful in caring for his brother. Notify when she cries, if she sleeps or if she is in danger and -even- helping to hold the bottle will make her feel important in mom's eyes and will learn to take responsibility. Of course: you have to thank him in all seriousness.

When the baby is almost one year old and begins to give thanks, it is likely that the oldest feels jealousy again. The formula to deal with them will always be the same: to express more affection.

Tips to prevent the eldest prince from being dethroned

1. Prepare the arrival of the baby with the child, making him feel illusion for it. Do not get into great explanations, but do not tell him the story of the stork.
2. When the time comes, do not leave the child at home. Even if you are with someone you trust, you will notice much more the absence of mom.
3. When returning from the clinic, try to make the visits more affectionate with the child that with the baby.
4. Give the child all the explanations he asks about his brother, because that will make you see it as something that you have to take care of, and you will feel responsible and greater.
5. Take care of the manifestations of affection with your prince, so he does not feel dethroned but promoted in his family role. Do not scold him for his jealousy, turn to him.
6. Do not tell him he has a new toy, since it is his little brother and he will not be able to do "pranks" to him. Thinking of him as a human being will make him feel responsible for his safety and comfort.
7. Let both of you play together, but never alone. In any case, it is not good for you to jump and stick a voice as soon as the child tries any approach.
8. Gifts for him too. When the baby is at home and the visits begin with the skirts, sweaters and other presents, you can have hidden candies to "regale" the older one, and not feel that he has ceased to be the king of the house.

Rocío Serrano
Advice: Manoli Manso. Bachelor of Education from the University of Wales. Teacher of children between 4 and 7 years old.

Video: The Royals | Eleanor and Jasper's Cute Moment Interrupted By King Robert | E!


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