How to overcome a sentimental break and be your best partner
All sentimental breakups They involve discomfort and a certain level of pain. Although not all are for the same reasons, and therefore some are even liberating, for example when leaving a destructive or toxic relationship, which has generated much suffering and tension, overcome a sentimental break and be your best partner during the first 100 days it is difficult to find solitude again.
Sometimes. because of the affection that sometimes remains or because of the fear of leaving the comfort zone which, although it does not make people happy, is easier for some to face and create a different life than what they have had until now, overcome a sentimental break It can be done very uphill.
But without a doubt, the most painful emotional breakdowns are those in which it is the other who decides to leave it, but we are in love or there has been betrayal, infidelity and deceit. In these cases, the self-esteem is damaged and the person feels sunken, sad, without direction, angry and insecure.
The suffering in sentimental ruptures
In any case, it is necessary to face solitude, have inner strength to start over, recover self-esteem and heal the emotions that harm us and prevent us from being happy and free again.
Many times, in addition to the normal difficulty of starting again without the company of the person we love one day, we find that Many people punish themselves, blame themselves and feel they did something wrong, that they failed, that they should have been or done other things to save the relationship, they put on their shoulders the total responsibility that the relationship did not work or they feel victims and they get caught up in the resentment and in the bad that the other did, in the bad that is.
And while they keep busy with each other's mistakes and how poor they feel, they lose all focus on being happy and creating a new life and learning from what happened.
All this lengthens suffering much more than necessaryIt even makes some people get trapped in a traumatic event of the past for years, complaining and resigned or resentful of men, women or life.
How to be your best partner after a sentimental break
In order not to suffer more than necessary and leave a stronger break we need to learn some keys:
1. Avoid falling into victimhood. Whatever the other has done wrong, it belongs to him, we must love ourselves enough to want to be well and let go of what happened and the other. Sometimes, staying angry with the other person is the way to remain united to the bad person, because to forgive and focus on one's own life gives some more pain and fear than letting go of that person and the past they lived together.
It is normal for a few weeks to be angry, hurt, obsessed with the event and then go through grief and fear of the future. Really it is beneficial to allow ourselves to cry, to shout, to write everything that hurt, what we feel and then burn it, hit a cushion, tell what hurts those we love. It is healing to express it openly, without wanting to be strong, because it is also strength to give permission to be vulnerable and be sad or afraid, those emotions need to be channeled and taken out and then accept what happened and be able to turn the page.
But once past that duel and having allowed all those emotions to express themselves and have a place, it is necessary to take the step of letting go. To release is essential to love ourselves to imagine a different life, beautiful, happy and full of our own love and that of friends or family. To get out of victimhood the person needs to recognize his personal power, his inner strength and that his life is in his hands and that he is not a poor puppet moved by life, with bad luck.
Because we can not change some things that happen to us, but of course if we can choose how to live them, whether as a disgrace, or as something we can learn from, with what we can be stronger and as a new opportunity to live better experiences, that are more in line with what we want and make us happy. Be aware that a door closes, but infinite possibilities open up.
2. Put the focus on what you want to experience, instead of what you do not have or lack. It is important to get up every morning thinking about what can I do today that makes me happy? The person should pamper and take care of her as she would take care of a delicate baby, with a lot of tenderness, understanding and love and with the intention of making her happy and giving her everything what you need
For that, it is very good to do a list of things that make me happy and then set dates to perform them. Because when we are wrong, everything gives us laziness and nothing we feel like but we must make the effort at first to do things even if we do not feel like it, to change the energy and break the habit of thinking about what happened because this leads us to generate the Same emotions that hurt us and stagnate us.
3. Stay active. Now we can resume: courses of personal development, creative cooking, painting, dancing, sports, travel, design, gardening, photography ... The person needs to leave home, be active and especially do different things because that creates new neural networks and with it new emotions different from those that bring back memories of the past and that produce pain.
Being active also produces neurochemicals that make us feel good and that is what the person needs, get out of the habit of being trapped in what happened and the memories that sink more and more.
4. Re fall in love with life. The person needs to feel that he is born again, but wiser and more capable, with more tools to live the adventure of life, that are expecting thousands of new experiences and that has the most important thing, life.
When a cycle ends it is vital that we see it as something more natural, just as the day ends and the night begins, someone we love goes away to give way to new experiences.
We can thank for the good that we received at some point and be compassionate to us for having chosen or maintained something that did not do us good, but feel proud and fortunate because we are free to start again.
What you especially need is love yourself to want to move forward with your life and be happy, do not waste the precious time that has been given to you with what is not, is it loving you to keep thinking about something that no longer exists? Do not you think you deserve to be happy? Believe in yourself.
Idoia Berridi. Nutritionist and life coach. Author of the Book BeLove Method. Blog Be happy, be healthy, be you.