The pain of farewells: how to learn to say goodbye
Goodbyes they are never simple, say goodbye It can become very complicated and painful. However, farewells are part of life, we can not avoid them, and that is why we must learn to say goodbye and in some cases also learn to let go of that which is no longer part of our life. Saying goodbye is necessary and helps us to move forward, to overcome the loss and face what is to come.
Why are dismissals so hard?
The farewell implies saying goodbye and it is associated with a more or less intense, more or less lasting loss. There are different types of losses and they involve several dismissals:
1. Temporary dismissals, imply a temporary loss. The separation is limited to time and distance. Among these farewells we find those farewells that we have to do when we live far from our relatives, but we know that we will see them again and that although there is a physical distance, we have emotional closeness.
2. Dismissals associated with permanent losses.They are the most painful and would be those that occur when a loved one dies, or we have a breakup of a couple. These losses involve physical loss, and many more losses. The loss of projects in common, the loss of time together, of conversations, and especially the affection we felt and believed we had of the other person.
These associated losses are more complicated and require a relevant psychological readjustment. We can physically lose the person, but the affection is not lost from one day to another, that affection does not disappear, and needs to be transformed through a process of psychological readjustment.
What do the farewells involve and why do they cause pain?
Farewells cost us so much because they are associated with losses and with each loss part of oneself is left. The loss entails:
1. Loss of security. We no longer feel safe and we fear for it.
2. It implies changing our way of thinking in the person we say goodbye to and in ourselves. With the farewell changes our role, we stop being a couple ... or the son of ..., brother of ..., even if the farewell is temporary.
3. Farewells imply loss of time in company, of hobbies, conversations, gestures of affection and common projects.
All this brings pain, sadness and a great change.
Learn to say goodbye and let go
The farewells are necessary, as a ritual that leaves behind that which is no longer part of our life. It is a painful process, but not doing so may mean clinging to something that limits us. The farewell makes possible the process of psychological readjustment that allows us to move forward.
1. Take your time. The farewell is painful and may take time.
2. Respect your emotions and accept your pain. Do not try to suppress the emotions that you feel in the farewell, since they are the natural ones in this situation and they have to leave to fulfill their function. Let emotions come out like sadness or anger, so that your emotions can be transformed and can lead to other emotions such as affection, compassion, etc.
3. Avoid spending parting alone, surround yourself with people who can help you.
4. Take the opportunity to do new things. Maybe it's a good time to start something new.
5. Look for the positive side of the new situation. We often cling to what is going and we do not see the positive of the new situation.
Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.
It may interest you:
- How to overcome a sentimental break and be your best partner
- Death of a loved one, how to overcome grief
- Sadness, what to do when we are sad?
- How to make negative thoughts disappear
