Infidelity in the couple, how to survive and save the relationship?
The infidelity in the couple It is a psychological challenge for those who suffer from it. It is a painful experience that involves a long path of healing since the deception is discovered. Dealing with anger, admitting betrayal, overcoming disappointment and sadness, and moving forward with dignity are some of the difficulties we must face. But the million dollar question is: is it possible to survive an infidelity and continue with the relationship?
Save the relationship after an infidelity
Although there are opinions for all tastes, Nacho Tornel, lawyer and Master in Marriage and Family, who has just published the book Enparejarte. The art of living your relationship successfully ensures that "yes you survive an infidelity. It's a cancer, but thank God cancer is curable. Here we are in the same. Is it a cancerous tumor? Yes, but it does not have to be moral, it's curable, it's surmountable and it's very slow. "
The couple that has gone through a situation of infidelity he should know that he will have a lot of time ahead of healing and that he must be prepared to change a rough, harsh road, which will be very hard. Nacho Tornel warns that "sometimes you will say that there is no one who walks, I do not feel like it, I can not do it anymore, but we must not despair, the road is hard and it is in this path that we have to find as a companion absolute sincerity, total sincerity. "
Reconstruct the couple with sincerity
When one of the two confesses that he has been unfaithful, it is usually because he has remorse or because he fears that they will discover him. But, the simple fact of being honest is already a good start and it is precisely that sincerity that can unite a couple again.
As Nacho Tornel assures, "total sincerity means that you do not hide anything else anymore." Total sincerity does not mean that you tell everything that has happened to you. It is not a good recipe to enter retail and retail of elements that will do much more harm than good, no matter how much the offended spouse, the spouse who suffered the infidelity has a legitimate interest in knowing. That you have to know how to measure because, on the one hand, of course you have the right to be told, of course, but at the same time, more detail of what has basically happened, will hurt you, will torture you and that's the way it is, it's going to obsess you, it's going to reproduce in your head images and thoughts that are going to make you really dust ".
And he adds, "it does not compensate, it's not worth knowing what happened, what happened, when it happened, times, frequencies ... going into details of truth that is very painful".
Forget what happened or accept what happened
Give security to your partner on the part of whoever committed that infidelity is fundamental. Acquiring the commitment to close absolutely any option or opportunity that occurs again is the first step.
Then it is necessary that the other is willing to forgive and to continue ahead. Nacho Tornel says that "the truth is that in most cases it is like that, I believe that the greatness of the human heart is demonstrated, even many times people tell you" I never thought that this would happen to me "and many Sometimes people think "I will never forgive this." We have heard it many times: "I would never endure an infidelity." No, no, I would never stand it, but with sincerity, absolute closure of options and then patience and common path you can get to survive an infidelity. "
To forgive, it is not necessary to forget what happened, but to accept what happened.
Looking to the future after an infidelity
Many times, you have to reset the relationship to be able to move forward. It is convenient to start by looking for the origin, since the infidelities do not appear for sure, but always without reproach and without humiliating the other.
Continue to overcome what they will say is the second obstacle. The social humiliation does real damage to the couple after an infidelity and to overcome it together it is necessary that the infidel try to recover the confidence of his partner. As Nacho Tornel says, "probably, this is not going to be what it used to be, but maybe it turns out that that reset in the relationship makes you want to be different, that you value yourself in a different way, that you know about a different way, that is a different treatment, the reconstruction of the relationship reproduces at the end a sculpture different from the one we had before ".
Keys to overcoming an infidelity
Rebuilding a relationship after an infidelity is a huge challenge. First you have to work separately and then in common, together. Each case is different, but "as it is very hard and very painful, we must know how to intervene." Maybe the couple should not see their faces for a while.We can not give general rules, but the fundamental ingredients to survive an infidelity are, sincerity, absolute closure, restructuring of the relationship and forward, "concludes Tornel.
Marisol Nuevo Espín
Advice: Nacho Tornel, Coach, lawyer and Master in Marriage and Family. Author of the book Enparejarte. The art of living your relationship successfully.
