The father and his influence on the children
Although there are biological characteristics of each sex, these are often also influenced by the culture itself. We are parents and mothers, men and women according to what we have learned from people of our own sex and from the other, mainly from the parents. Therefore, when one of the two lacks, it is essential that the "extended" family (grandparents, uncles, godparents ...) meet the needs of the children's models.
Today, there is a tendency towards greater equality in the education of children: the physical security of boys and girls is taken care of equally, and a similar social and intellectual development is sought for both. This is extremely positive because if there is a lot of rigidity in the roles, distorted visions of the identity can occur or the child can not adapt to the required characteristics and identify with the opposite sex.
At the other extreme, forcing children to transgress cultural norms can make them suffer. For example, dress a child in pink or prevent our little daughter wearing earrings.
In any case, if we both keep close to our children from the beginning, we will be helping them to create a complete identity.
The influence of dad in his children
These are some of the particularities of the father, who because of his male condition, and because of the roles they normally assume in the family and in society, usually project on their children.
Communication, in some cases, is almost without words. It occurs in sharing a moment, feeling support, etc. They are seen by children as more distant, clear and direct. Therefore, they seem authoritarian, which would be negative, or more capable of exercising authority, which is positive. With dad we talk less, but we often do more, intervene little and do it to make decisions, find practical solutions to problems. For example, if he gets bad grades, punishes him or poses an intense study plan.
Media with the father
The father learns during specific activities, shared, such as a game, a walk, some sport, when he teaches him to ride a bicycle, or to use the computer ... the child learns this way to face the world.
Specific contents of the father
· For specific activities What he does with the children, he transmits the motor skills better.
· Make numerous proposals.
· More distant relationship, in special circumstances, although the son knows that he has his support.
· His love for the son it goes through the mother.
· More driver, they exercise more authority.
· Easier relationship because it does not have the wear and tear of day to day and its decisions are less questioned.
· Promotes risk and independence of the kids. ("You have to do it alone").
· Risk: be authoritarian or excessively distant.
· Role to the mother: support and accompany her in her decisions. Keep in touch with the children through it. Do not contradict it and reaffirm it in its authority.
If the father is missing ...
There is more risk of the child having discipline problems. This can also happen even if the father sees the children, but sporadically. The support that the husband gives to the mother so that she exercises authority in front of the children is fundamental. In the case of the widows, although the father is not there, he is still a figure that is present for the children.
This is how the father influences the child
It is the model of the masculine. But for that he must feel admiration for him, that he has some specific skill: "dad is the one who knows". In this process of identification it is very important to teach to stop their aggressive impulses: if they see a man who controls himself, he will be motivated to do it too.
Here the game of struggle that parents usually do with their children is fundamental. When they are on the ground and the child hits too hard, the father tells him that it's over, that his hand is running away, he's teaching him self-control.
He also learns to recognize signs as gestures of pain or displeasure to know that he has to stop.
Move to the adult world
Help the child to go to the adult world through the "rites of initiation", such as: remove the rear wheels of the bicycle, and later give him the first razor. They are gestures equivalent to saying: "Welcome to the world of men." If this is missing, he will seek this reaffirmation throughout his life, through different forms such as being good for fights, seeking power, being successful with women, especially on the sexual plane ...
He cares about sports, crafts, technology, computers and helps him in his interest in exploring the world.
Support for the mother
Favoring the relationship with the mother strengthens family ties.
Advice: Malva Villalón and Sergio Canals, Psychiatrists