The influence of friends in adolescence
The friends are very important in the lives of teenagers. The influence of friends in adolescence It is decisive in these years when you are forming your personality. But what can parents do when we sense that our daughter's friends are influencing her negatively? This intuition, most of the time, is based on the fact that we observe changes in their behavior.
Why do we intuit parents who do not have good friends?
It is convenient to ask the following questions, although without alarmism, because in adolescence the character changes are very frequent and can not always be originated by the influence of friends.
- Does he count what he does when he leaves, or avoids these conversations?
- Are you changing habits, customs and ways of acting?
- Does the school performance drop, use strange clothes or is it a ragged?
- Do you have excessive concern about fashion and brands that you did not show before?
- Your vocabulary and expressions are more blatant?
- Do you behave with your brothers in a more violent, irascible or indifferent way?
- Do you have a great internal disorder (the only important thing is to leave) and outside (chaos in your room, books, etc)?
- Do you adopt an attitude of continuous disobedience?
- Do you get home with things of value that you could not buy under normal conditions?
- Do you usually go out until the wee hours of the morning?
- In what state do you get home?
- What are your idols? Why?
Good and bad friends
According to a study conducted by the company Procter & Gamble, the friends in adolescence they become the main confessors in all age groups, followed by the mother or boyfriend, as the case may be. Until the age of 16, the second position is occupied by the mother, although far from the priority role played by the friend. For this reason, it is not surprising that they have so much influence.
A good friend
- The friend is not only chosen by appearances.
- The good friend thinks of the other and wishes her the best.
- It helps you.
- It's honest.
A bad friend
- The one that tries to impose itself authoritatively.
- Search only for your own benefit.
- He never gives up.
- Maintains uprooted and permissive behaviors.
- Pusilánime.
- The one that uses friendship for other purposes.
Friends or acquaintances?
The study also shows that adolescents clearly distinguish what they call as friends of truth and others or acquaintances. The friends are also chosen and represent one of the modes of exercise freedom: Why this and not another ?. It is, therefore, an important phase for the adolescent who collaborates in his personal development.
Most agree with the statement that real friendships are always there, They bring confidence to call them when they are down and cry with hers.
However, the councils are accepted but not necessarily accepted. For the youngest girls (14-16), the opinion of friends in the matter of boys is paramount.
In the area of acquaintances / includes the classmates who do not inspire much confidence to tell them everything that happens in their lives and with which they share trivial topics such as studies, TV programs, etc. These colleagues provide novelty and fun with the group of real friends, an aspect that is reinforced in that acquaintances find out after the things that happen to them.
With regard to the boys, they fear that the friendship can become another type of relationship since seven of every ten respondents share the opinion that with the small friends some type of attraction can happen.
Advice for parents about the friends of their teenage daughters
1. For her, her friends are very important and censoring one in particular does not usually take more than the confrontation between parents and daughter: "You do not know her well, do not criticize her". If you suspect that one does not suit you, talk to your daughter about the characteristics of the good and bad friends in general, trying to slowly realize herself.
2. With a little mischief and in a natural way It is interesting to know the parents and family habits of the friends: organize a coffee at home, or in a cafeteria and summon those mothers or fathers to chat. Experience confirms that it usually gives good results.
3. Your daughter must learn little by little to say "no" to certain situations counterproductive for her. Even if she continually finds herself in the situation of having to say no to her friends, because they do not think like her, she may have to change friends. In this case give him a lot of understanding, support and affection.
4. It is important that your daughter does not feel watched and never impose the friends that have to be done, you just have to find the right environment where you can find them: sports or youth clubs, place of holidays or weekend, school, etc ...
5. It is worth making the effort to meet your daughter's friends and know the type of group in which it moves. A good measure is to encourage her to come together at home: to listen to music, drink something, watch a movie ... The most important thing is that your daughter feels comfortable at home. To do this, try to be flexible and ignore, from time to time, that you can stain "the carpet."
Lucía Jiménez
More information in book: Your daughter from 15 to 16 years old. Author Pilar Martín Lobo
