How can we solve jealousy between brothers

The arrival of a new member to the family is always a good news. Although it is possible that some do not understand it this way. This is the case of the first children who see in the baby a new rival who takes all the attention of parents and other adults.

An event that results in jealousy towards their little brothers who have snatched them away from being the center of attention at home. An attitude that must be detected by parents to put an end to it and act correctly.

Why jealousy occurs

The Spanish Association of Pediatrics, AEP, expresses that the jealousy between brothers are produced by the imaginary sensation of the loss of affection and attention on the part of the parents. When a new member of the family can make the children feel that the mother has left them aside and only focuses on the baby, who really needs more care than the older children.

They are more frequent in older siblings, but it is not unusual for a little one to feel them too. For some children it is difficult to assimilate that they have grown, that from now on they no longer have so much care and that they will receive the same treatment as the rest of the children on the part of their parents. Jealousy can also occur with older siblings, because of the permanent comparison with the success they had already achieved at their age.

How they are detected

Jealousy between brothers usually occurs through concrete actions that a child is effectively manifesting these feelings:

- Hostility and aggressiveness towards the brother manifested through blows, bites, pinching, pushing or any other action focused on hurting him. They usually perform these actions when they are not accompanied. They are rare. In fact, many times parents do not detect jealousy because the child behaves very well with the little brother.

- Hostility to the mother manifested in the form of disobedience, bad humor and aggressive phrases.

- Personality changes. The child wants to spend more time with his mother and watches over her more. The minor can also isolate isolation and stop talking or doing little. There may also be regression behaviors and infantilism such as asking for help to eat or for personal hygiene.

The attitude of parents

Parents should not wait for their new child to arrive in the family. Before they are born, they must work because the older brother knows that he is going to have a new, smaller family member and that he must treat him with love:

1. Before birth. The parents must show tranquility and almost indifference and provide the necessary information in a climate of calm to the child. Emotional blackmail should be avoided and comparisons should never be used.

2. The birth. It is convenient not to dramatize the birth and that the older brother does not hear about pain, operations, wounds, blood, since he would live it as an aggression of the new member to his mother.
Unless there are complications, the big brother must go to the hospital on the same day that the new member is born to see the little one and the mother.

3. The return home. At home, the older brother should be allowed to see and touch the little one, in order to reduce anxiety and curiosity. The mother should encourage that, within the possibilities, help .. The baby is not going to spend anything and the older brother will gain a lot in self-esteem.

4. The first days. If visitors bring gifts for the newborn, it is not good to make gifts of compensation to the elderly. This would be a way of saying to the child that he can always demand a present as well as the smallest one, which will contribute to the occurrence of jealousy when he does not achieve this goal.

If the child wants to have the same habits as a small one (bottle, pacifier, etc.), it must be denied firmly, but without giving it more importance.

Damián Montero

Video: Dealing With Jealousy

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