How to educate the NO of children without losing their nerves
Why do you learn so soon say noIs he a two-year-old brat? For two fundamental reasons: the first, because by the time he is two years old, he is beginning to discover himself, he is in the stage of egocentricity and wants to demonstrate his independence. The second, because perhaps at home he listens too many times NO word, and they learn by imitation.
Do not confuse it with disobedience. However, it is the prelude to it, therefore we must know how to educate the NO of children without losing their nerves.
Guidelines to educate the NO of children
For educate the NO explicit of our son, affirmative and opposition, we must have some clear guidelines:
1. Positive and negative consequences. Try to always be clear about the positive and negative consequences of your NO and your YES. "If you touch the plug it will give you a cramp and we'll have to take you to the hospital"; "If you do not pick up the gadgets in their corresponding box, you will not give mom a joy, and the toys will break."
2. Avoid repeating the order. We must become accustomed from the beginning not to repeat the order more than once and we must never end up making our own request.
3. Simple instructions. They must be understandable to him and reasonable for his age. We can assure you that you have understood the request by making it repeat. For example: Instead of sending a "wash your teeth" tone with an imperative tone, we will ask you: "Dove, honey, you are going to brush your teeth after dinner, do you?" In this way, you will have to answer our question .
4. Always one at a time. We will give you a number of rational instructions and we will tell you one by one. We must bear in mind that children under five are not able to understand more than three requests at a time. "Finish dinner, leave the plate in the sink, brush your teeth, wash your face, and get in bed," the third indication has been forgotten.
5. Reasoning appropriate to their age. We will explain to our son the reasons why we ask or forbid him to do something. This information should be appropriate for the child's age.
6. Pleasant voice tone. It is better if we put ourselves at the height of our son (squatting), that is, we practice active listening with him or her and we look him straight in the eye (making sure he looks at us too).
7. Anticipate with a game. If we sense that you are not ready to comply with the order, we will ask you if you need help or we will help you directly so that, little by little, you will get used to do without us and be self-sufficient. At first we can use games and show us in a good mood so that he does not identify obedience with something negative. For example: we will play to see who classifies the toys faster by colors, sizes * etc.
8. Reward to the effort. We will reward you when you have obeyed our order or request without a NO, and never before. The more immediate the reward, the more effect it will have. We will have to accustom him to affective rewards better than materials. We will embrace you, we will flatter you and express our joy without fear of exaggeration.
9. Patience to educate.We can count up to five out loud to understand that we are waiting for him to do what we have asked him to do. If at this time our son has not obeyed, without raising his voice or arguing, we will guide him with our hands to do so. For example: if you refuse to lower your feet on the sofa, we will remove them. If we want you to collect the toys, we will help you *
Ideas to educate the NO of children without losing their nerves
The rabid NO of our children drives us crazy. Blanca Jordán de Urríes in her book, Your children from 1 to 3 years old (Ediciones Palabra), points out that corrections with love are worth much more than any smack, although perhaps the cake will be much more effective at first.
- You have to try to make the child understand why he must behave in one way or another. Maybe your child with the cake will obey the first, stop saying NO, but as you have not explained the reason for his bad action, but you have given him a physical punishment, the next day he will do it again and after two years, not obey something and turn into pure rebellion.
- Calm down and explain how many times it takes why he has to obey (because he has to dress, because he has to eat everything or almost everything, because he can not scream) and little by little, he will understand.
- When our son is still in his thirteenth, with the permanent NO, and despite repeated warnings from us, we must not lose control. We will send you alone to a room or a corner where you can not entertain for a short period of time.
- You will have a moment to reflect about what it is that has made us angry.
Children learn by trial and error and are slow to generalize the consequences of their behavior.
- It is likely that your response is to start crying or kickingr. If we want our action to take effect, we must deprive it of our attention and ignore its reaction. If he infuses us with grief and we start to console him, we will lose our credibility and on another occasion he will return to act in the same way. On the other hand, if you feel like rectifying, you are cooperative or ask for forgiveness, we should reinforce and encourage you.
TYPES OF ANSWERS TO AN NO
- Mother: Honey, pick up your toys it's dinner time.
- Son: DO NOT.
- Mother: (squatting and looking at his face) I'm sure if you want to do it, you want to make Mom happy, and we'll wait for you to have dinner. I'm going to collect three toys and you, the rest.
(After a while, the toys are not picked up.) Then you will have to stay in another corner of the room until you pick them up, without anger.
- Mother: (We will ask): Do you want to make Mom happy? Do you want to dine alone? Because if you do not pick up the toys, you'll eat alone *
- Mother: Honey pick up your toys.
- Son: DO NOT.
- Mother: Well, you're going to make it eat.
- Son: NO- Mother: You will find out, you do not tell me no, you will obey the good or the bad, if you do not do it I will punish you without playing with the toys for two days.
The method of threats can work one, two, three times, but the long-term threat only discredits the authority and credibility of parents, in addition to educating the child in a coercive system and not in an environment of love and understanding.
More information in the book: Your children from 1 to 3 years old. Author Blanca Jordan