Obedience: ideas to respond to the NO of children
Do not get surprised. Your child is a normal child, and that's why, around two years old, he starts saying NO. Your intelligence is working. It is in that evolutionary moment of individualization and self-affirmation (he realizes that he is different from his parents and siblings), of egocentrism (thinks he is unique, lacks the capacity to know the needs of others), and of opposition ( makes an exaggerated use of that I that is discovering).
However, we can not consent to those "NO" so blatant. We must exercise a positive authority, with reasoning according to their age, away from threats, but also, that is discovering that the NO has negative consequences.
Listen to noes since he's a baby Do you remember the first time you told him NO, when he took the soap to his mouth as a baby? And then, other noes came, because his growing motor autonomy has led him to look for situations of danger, to touch what he should not, to discover the world around him. And you, how have you been reacting to those risky situations? Perhaps with a NO to dry, serious, without further explanations that could have needed, although it was small.
And those NOES of yours have retained them in your mind and now, with two years or less, you are reproducing them. This reason, together with its evolutionary moment of self-affirmation, is what leads it to respond with a NO to many things that are asked of it.
Therefore, you know what is happening to him, you already understand him. Do not confuse it with disobedience. That does not mean that you let him act at ease, because your function as a father or mother is to educate him, to help him understand what happens when he says NO to a request or request that you make him.
The terrible two years The two years are known as the "terrible two", since from this age, children experience a constant desire to validate their independence. "It is a very interesting time for parents, since their children develop intellectually, socially and emotionally, it is the moment in which they show what they need and want to explore the outside world," says pediatrician Paula Henderson.
On the other hand, they are also at a moment that they need to skip the limits, they challenge us to prove themselves without knowing how far they can go. For this reason, they usually respond with a NO explicitly to everything that is asked, they pretend they do not hear us or they express their self-affirmation with tantrums and tantrums.
We should not confuse this attitude with the child being a total disobedient. Our son has begun to be more independent and is necessary and healthy for his maturity to experience it. Although parents should understand this attitude, we do not have to exceed permissiveness and try to continue inculcating the habit of obeying.
He is not a disobedient, but he can be. You are at the best moment to teach him to change that negative and egocentric attitude to a more positive one, of openness and socialization. He is not yet a disobedient. However, if you get used to him saying NO continuously, without correcting him, he will be. Take advantage of those NOES to be educated in obedience, but do not tell him he is a disobedient, but: "I know that you want to do this thing that I have asked you because you want mom (or dad) to be happy. obedient".
Why do you refuse? In addition to, as we have mentioned, because he is in that stage of egocentrism that will last until almost five years, he can also refuse to comply with our indications that we give him for different reasons, according to psychologist Lidia Ametller Martínez: - To get our attention. Sometimes parents are aware of our son only when he behaves inadequately.
- He is used to us doing what we ask for him. On many occasions, as long as we do not fight, we do not listen to his tantrums, or his screams, we consent to what we had initially denied or forbidden, or we do what we asked him to do.
- He does not listen to what we ask him because he is distracted in another activity. Our son may simply be concentrated with some toy, with the video movie etc., and he can not obey us the first time. Then, we will have to ask him to look us in the face and with affection we will give him the indication.
- You are receiving too many orders at once.
- He does not understand what we sent him.
- Do an exercise of courage, do not be afraid at this age and try to look at your child as an intelligent child, having fun. It is being discovered. When I say NO, tell her a little energy !! And then, help him to change that NO for a YES, with patience.
- Faced with a NO, you never elude your responsibility as a parent. Do not say: "I'm going to tell dad", or "I'm going to tell mom" or worse, "I'll tell your teacher". You are before your son and you have the duty to exercise your authority.
- The child responds to praise before threats. That is why it is better to say: "I know you want to put on this coat that you are very pretty and we go to the birthday of your friend who is going to be very happy", instead of: "Today you wear this coat because I send it and it's over , or if not, do not go back to a birthday. "
- Think to see if you are dedicating little time. It is very possible that children refuse to meet our demands because by saying NO, they are the only moments when they get our attention, even if it is to scold or punish them.
- Remember that the requests must be clear and specific, so that the behavior that must be followed is clear. Therefore, it is better to say "do not put your feet on the sofa", than "behave yourself".
TO ACT Try the following tactic to see what result it gives you. If after an indication, the child responds with a NO or continues doing what you have prohibited (except situations of danger that must be cut sharply) look him straight in the eyes, without repeating the order. In principle with a serious face, then smile. I assure you that with this attitude, in most cases you will perform the action.