Adoption: 6 frequent problems of adopted children

In their few years of life, adopted children they have experienced abandonment and lack of affection, but their integration is possible. Children adopted abroad have a specific process of adaptation that their parents should know. A correct prior preparation of the parents will help overcome the difficulties of adoption and will be of great help for the correct integration of the child.

The adopted children they should see their new parents in safety and integrity, as it will reassure them. Although most adopted children have a great capacity for adaptation, parents must take into account that they are emotionally in a very special situation.


Frequent problems of adopted children

1. Adaptation: Adopted children have a great capacity for adaptation, but always with a limit. They are able to learn many things that will help them in their new life, but they will always need special attention to overcome the adaptation problems they may suffer.

2. Fear of abandonment: The desire to be accepted from the beginning will make the adopted child show a pleasant attitude at first. At the same time he will have a certain distrust of the fear of being abandoned again. In the end, the child is hurt by abandonment, and once he has confidence with his new family he will have a worse behavior. This reaction is a call on his part for his new parents to help him repair the damage that has been done in the past.


3. Opposition to everything: As the child settles in his new family, his behavior usually worsens: he becomes disobedient, aggressive, a liar and enters a process of opposition to everything. Parents can interpret this negatively and assume that something has been done wrong or that the child is ungrateful. However, this change indicates the opposite. It is one more phase in the adaptation process. The parents have managed to gain the trust of their son and, as a result, transmit their parents all their damage to help them overcome it. It is essential to understand this in order to understand him and be able to help him, otherwise he will feel cheated.

4. Child behavior: It may be that the child shows immature attitudes. This is due to a yearning for unlived childhood. It is normal but disconcerting. Parents have to mark the times of these regressions but without creating a trauma, as it is normal and indicative that their adaptation is positive.


5. The school: To have an adequate school performance, we must begin by taking into account the real situation of the child and leave aside the expectations of adults. Behavioral difficulties (both at home and at school) and learning difficulties are consequences of the early stages of childhood disorders due to the lack of psycho-affective stimulation in the families of origin or in the protection centers. Collaboration between parents and the school is essential.

6. Linkage disorders: between parents and son and linking the child to a single parent. The issue of the transmission of origins is a difficult issue for many families to address. If so, you have to ask for professional help.

Advice for parents of adopted children

1. They will not always assume the rules in an immediate way, to help them it is advisable to explain the rules clearly and concisely, without endless "fights".

2. You have to motivate them to feel comfortable as they are. Congratulating them for their small and great achievements, making them see how valuable they can be and teaching them to accept the good and bad things of their lives, will help them avoid falling into rejection of themselves.

3. It is good to instill creativity and initiative. If they are entrepreneurs, they can adapt more quickly to family life and overcome their traumas earlier.

4. You have to prepare and inform him when a circumstance that may affect the child's vital aspects is going to occur. It is about avoiding unexpected situations that could create confusion and rejection.

5. Adoptive parents must be able to understand the feelings of shame and pain that a child who has been abandoned has. Only then can they help you master those feelings so that you are able to overcome that pain and avoid further suffering.

6. You have to have patience and accept that the child has not been formed from the beginning by us, our values ​​and principles. We should not feel that the challenges and challenges are provocative behavior executed on purpose to annoy us. Having a child involves many changes and finding a new balance is something that is achieved with the effort of all.

Miguel Pérez Pichel
Some addresses of interest: Adoptantis - Families for the Reception - Coordinator of Associations in Defense of Adoption and Foster Care (CORA)

Video: Adopted Children: What it's like being taken away


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