How to demand and negotiate with adolescent children
It often happens that the natural authority and demand of parents when it comes, so to speak, pinched by adolescent children loses its effectiveness and its brilliance, its calm and its security. Demand with authority to the adolescent children is to give a point of reference, a compass to orient oneself and where the cardinal points to follow are well defined.
Demanding and negotiating with adolescent children it is, at this moment, more difficult and delicate. On the one hand, it is when our adolescent children have more need of their parents and our authority and on the other, when more rebels are to abide by rules and limits. The adolescent is not, by definition, a person already adult and mature, he will become; at the moment it is only in formation, in development.
The positive influence of parents develops the responsibility of the adolescent son and this requirement it must be lived as an aid and not as an imposition. Due to their changes in moods, different educational responses will correspond to the same behavior at different times.
Always, but especially during adolescence, it is necessary to help the child because he faces one of the most serious problems of his growth phase. Therefore, it is about making themselves available to you, also willing to change your mind or to listen for the umpteenth time to re-explain the other's reasons; it will not be possible to pretend to be the only ones who are right, although you can and should continue to demand. It will no longer make sense: "Because I tell you."
What is negotiable with adolescent children?
1. Grant more autonomy, but continue to demand in the educational foundations.
2. Allow him to return later, but pretend that it is punctual.
3. Allow him to make his plans, but get him to accept also those of the whole family.
4. Along with many yeses -given with true and full confidence, at the cost of being betrayed- that will provide an opportunity for responsibility and growth, there must be some exhaustive noes that will never be discussed.
Grant without giving in to the art of demanding a teenager
Until now, when demanding certain behaviors to our children it was enough to "send it" and they, sometimes better and sometimes worse, used to end up obeying. They saw us with respect and as models to imitate. But ... our teenager has changed! Neither feels the same as only a few months ago, nor reacts as we expect and, much less, sees us with those eyes of admiration that we can still discover in the faces of the little ones.
And we? How can we go hand in hand, walk with him, no longer addressing "a", but being "with"? We must also change and not a little, with respect to the way of demanding it, remaining firm with respect to the contents because it is precisely this solidity, this certainty, of what the adolescent needs.
But the forms are vital, because if he were to say, because of our rigidity and incomprehension: "Total, it's useless, my parents do not understand me!" Would be the end of any constructive relationship and maybe of any kind of relationship . Therefore, we will have to learn to grant, to lengthen the rope of the autonomy of children, both in the things they want to do and in our judgment about them, without ever giving in to the bottom, without ever ceasing to be parents and mothers with authority; Besides being affectionate, we will have to learn to demand with flexibility.
Tips to demand and negotiate with adolescent children
1. It is important not to bother the teenager for nonsense and blame everything. We must correct or insist only on what is truly important.
2. It is a stage of ups and downs in your moods, that neither the son himself can explain. We have to make him understand that he should give less importance to the moments of personal slump and more to those of others: parents, brothers, relatives and friends.
3. Be prudent when reprimanding never to do it when he is low morale and less in front of others. Although it costs, it is necessary to have a lot, a lot of patience and of course, never to take the hair. And always look for the right moment, never act impulsively.
4. Parents must provide the realism supplement What is lacking in adolescent children? They do not realize that the world is not as black as they sometimes see it. In the art of knowing how to demand a teenager, you have to demand a special forgetfulness of yourselves when you enter into a vicious circle in this vicious circle.
5. We have to avoid serious conversations when tired, or when we are.
6. It is no longer time to impose things, but to ask for them, that is, to ask for their collaboration so that your child feels that it is he or she who decides to provide that service to their father or mother.If you want to store the laundry, it is not advisable to say: "Leave what you are doing and tend the clothes"; better, tell her that you have several things pending and that when she can, it would be very helpful if she hung up your clothes. Thus, you leave on your roof the decision not only to do it, but also when and because he wants to.
Ana Aznar
