The Solomon syndrome: keys to not underestimate yourself

Human beings are sociable, to a certain extent we need others to feel safe, supported, integrated ... and that need is what often dictates how we behave in each situation. However, sometimes, we are not ourselves because of insecurity or fear of what others will think. If you generally try to pass unnoticed, we tell you how to avoid falling into Solomon's syndrome and the keys to not underestimate yourself.

Surely we have all experienced situations where a group judges a person for not fitting in, for going against the norm, for not doing what is expected of him, etc. We have even been able to pass on to ourselves, how many times we have been in a social meeting, with friends, family, co-workers and when the time has come we have not dared to give our point of view, to confront the ideas of others out of fear to what they will think of us, to criticize us or to reject us.

What is Solomon syndrome?

We can define the Solomon syndrome as a phenomenon in which people try not to stand out, not stand out from others, we even make decisions leaving aside what we think or what we want out of fear of what they will say, criticize us or feel rejected by the group.

People suffering from the solomon syndrome are characterized by low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and tend to compare continuously with other people, reaching the false conclusion that their value as people depends on the value that others give them .

The truth is that we do not like to attract attention, we do not feel comfortable boasting about our successes, how well we are doing at work, with our partner, the ideal that is our house or the spectacular that is our new car, and is that we are afraid that our successes offend the person in front of us.

On the other hand we do not like too much to hear how well others are doing, when we hear it we can be invaded by feelings of anger, sadness and as a consequence we tend to condemn the success of others, why do these emotions invade us? Why do we criticize others? The answer is simple, because we are invaded by an emotion called envy.

Envy and the success of others

Envy is an emotion that we experience when we want something that we do not possess, it usually appears when we compare ourselves with someone and we conclude that it has something that we do not and that of course we would like to have, this conclusion provokes an unpleasant feeling that we leads to anger, sadness, anger, etc. It also makes us focus on our shortcomings and feel inferior because we do not have what someone else has in this way making personal development and relationships with others difficult.

Envy is what makes it hard for us to be happy about the successes of others, because in their successes we see our failures and frustrations reflected. Since it is difficult to face our frustrations, we find the way to escape by judging others, criticizing them for having achieved something that I do not have.

Keys to not underestimate yourself

As social beings that we are, it is true that we like to feel that we belong to a group, that we fit, that we are not different, however, fitting does not mean forgetting my individuality, setting aside my desires at any price.

These tips will help you to avoid falling into the error of forgetting ourselves:

1. Be assertive, that is, being able to say what we think without the need to offend the person in front of us, otherwise the other people will decide for us and we will end up feeling inferior.
2. Be fairer when comparing us, most of the times we compare ourselves with others is to highlight our shortcomings, we only have in mind the negative we have and we forget to compare our virtues and everything we do well that sure, there are many things !.
3. Being able to recognize and accept what makes us different and be aware that being different is not only negative, but on the contrary, it gives us the opportunity to share and learn with the other.
4. Dare to be yourself and love yourself for it, to love yourself implies showing yourself as you are, without qualms or fears.

Rocío Navarro Psychologist Director of Psicolari, integral psychology