Teenagers and friends: why does not my son come out?
Why is it that a teenager does not have friends and spend hours and hours in his room? He says that he likes music very much, but it does not seem normal that at his age he is so introverted and relates so little. Does not he leave because he has no friends, or because he does not like the ones he has? Is he cowardly, or independent, or indifferent, or selective ...? How can we help?
On many occasions, it can be exasperating to see how our teenage son or daughter wastes his free time. It's not that it bothers us that he's comfortable at home ... but the hours he spends in his room, lying on the sofa in the living room or simply wandering around the house, have a limit.
We realize that boys need friends: true friendship is a treasure to be discovered as soon as possible. Of course, it is easier not to have friends, not have to wait for them, or conform to their tastes, or sometimes endure their jokes ... But, for better or for worse, the man depends on others and a personality that has not been complemented with others it remains fofa and without nuances. And, in addition, with the friends the funniest moments are spent.
Why does not my teenage son leave?
Without pretending to exhaust the casuistry, the home-based adolescent responds, in general, to one of these four profiles:
1. The comforter who, out of laziness, becomes increasingly fond of the great advantages of the home: a soft sofa, well-stocked fridge, television and DVDs ... He stays at home simply because he has a good time.
2. The loner, vicious of video games, computer or even reading, stays at home simply because he has a good time and does not consider expanding horizons.
3. The boy with complexes (real, imaginary, big or small, it does not matter) that he has not assumed them, or that he is afraid of the jokes of others.
4. The timid who, feeling insecure of himself, takes refuge in the home to find love and acceptance or to use it as a hideaway because of cowardice to face real life.
The Comforter: The Universe of Homemade Teenager Amenities
When children build a small universe of comforts at home and are so comfortable that they have a hard time projecting outside, parents are usually largely responsible for the situation. Especially during the years before adolescence. Therefore, it is up to them to put the means and abandon excessively protectionist positions. The boys have to make an effort to make the bed, to order their room or not to throw the clothes.
If we demand them in these small things then it will be easier for them to get along with other kids. If you are always used to having everything done, the normal thing is that your friends do not want to be your servants.
The vicious video game: the lonely player
The games are more educational the more people participate. It is not a scientific rule, but rather to make it appear that the games alone are not suitable, especially when there are relationship problems with friends. The activities that isolate you from others (videogames, movies ...) can not remain lonely duels: you have to encourage them to share them. These hobbies can be an excellent starting point to consolidate friendships, if they involve boys or girls who share them.
The complexed adolescent: complexes exist
One of the most common brakes that boys and girls of these ages have to relate to are, simply, complexes. From serious physical defects to a haircut you do not like, going through the well-known juvenile acne. It is a difficult issue but, sooner or later, they must end up taking on them or fighting to avoid them, if possible.
Parents must be vigilant not to provoke them and fatten them with our attitude. A symptom of the existence of complexes is, precisely, that disproportionate "home" and not wanting to meet friends.
The shy teenager
Shyness is not synonymous with introversion. Introverted people are people who concentrate on their inner world and do not need to relate to others. The fundamental difference is that the shy does not know how to relate to others and the introvert does not need it, that is, does not seek to relate to the rest.