Parenting with attachment: the 8 keys to natural aging
"Natural breeding" or "breeding with attachment" they are terms coined by the pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha, a nurse, parents of eight children and with a life dedicated to childhood. It is based on the upbringing of love, respect, listening and accompanying the baby in its first months, and even years.
Parenting with attachment, Attachment Parenting part of the naturalness and instinct of parents and follows eight premises, the 8 "B" (in English all begin with this letter) of a parenting from affection, with quality that strengthens the emotional bond of the baby with their parents.
The 8 keys of parenting with natural attachment
1. Birth bonding: affective ties from birth
Once given, both the mother and the baby need to be together. the baby needs the heat, interact with it. The kangaroo method, the skin with skin favors the development of affective bonds and is the basis of the upbringing with attachment. A prolonged separation at that time can have effects on the emotional and psychological level of the baby over time.
The father can also provide that well-being first if the mother can not. The bond develops, it is not automatic, so you have to provide the baby with the necessary attention to develop positive emotional attachment.
2. Breastfeeding: Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding provides the food the baby needs, providing the necessary nutrients and reinforcing their defenses.
Breastfeeding is also a time where mother and child meet, where the baby finds calm, comfort, feels safe.
Does this mean that if you do not breastfeed you can not create a bond with the baby? No, it is true that breastfeeding is beneficial nutritive and immunologically speaking but feeding a baby is more than that, it is to give him security, comfort, respond to his needs, is closeness, is love and all this is also achieved if you opt for feed him with formula milk. It is the quality of parenting that helps the development of positive affective attachment.
3. Babywearing: carry the baby over
The porter, either through the baby carrier or in arms, provides the baby with greater protection. It calms them and gives them security to better understand the stimuli that come from the outside, allows them to interact from the calm, from the trust.
Babies who are ported cry less, sleep better, their breathing and temperature is regulated with that of the carrier, it helps them if they have colic due to the pressure and the heat they feel in their belly, and helps them in their psychomotor and social development.
4. Beding close to baby: sleeping near the baby
The cohabitation or cohabitation favors the rest of the baby and the mother since it can respond to their needs in a shorter time without waiting for the baby, avoiding mummies of anguish and stress due to separation.
- Encourages breastfeeding as it has a close breast and helps the mother's recovery since she can rest more and avoid having to get up continuously to feed her.
- It favors the baby's sleep and prevents him from seeing it as something unpleasant, living it with anguish and thus sleeping is pleasant, safe and calm.
5. Belief in the language of valur of your baby's cry: confidence in the value of your crying as a language
The mode of communication that the baby uses is crying. If they cry, it's because of something. If it is ignored, the baby will believe that his needs are not important and he will stop communicating, negatively influencing his psychological development and the way of relating in the future.
"Letting a baby cry causes an increase in cortisol, stress hormone and serotonin, which will influence the baby's neurological development.To counteract all these substances are released others (endorphins, serotonin, opiates) that cause a drop in stress , so it is normal for the baby to fall and fall asleep afterwards, but not because he has learned anything but because these substances have an effect ". (Jové R.)
Up to 3-4 years, the child does not have the ability to put himself in the place of the other, to feel empathy, to understand second intentions, to interpret the mind of the other, to manipulate, that is why if the baby or the child She cries because she has a need that he can only provide and demands the intervention of her caregiver. Theory of Mind (Premack and Woodruf, Baron-Cohen and Leslie).
6. Beware of baby trainers: be careful with the "training"
The rhythm of a baby is not like that of adults, its development, its needs, are different. They do not have a fixed schedule, they do not have an agenda.
The baby's dream differs greatly from that of the adult. His is "programmed" to wake up and feed. Trying that the baby follows the rhythm of life of the adult does not favor its natural development, although that does not imply that there are no routines, no limits.The adult must provide a safe and quiet environment for the development of the baby based on respect and trust.
7. Balance: Keep the balance
Searching for the midpoint is necessary in order to be neither authoritarian nor permissive. Only the closeness with the baby, will help to discern and achieve a positive and happy upbringing ..
8. Both: both of them
The family environment is essential to achieve an upbringing with attachment. Complicity, empathy, involvement of all members, always with respect, will help to create a healthy bond. Both the father and the mother must be equally involved in the care of their children, in their education, in the attention of their demands.
Marián Zamora Saborit. Physiotherapist, child psychomotorist in education. Pilates Method Technician. Blog author Mímate a little.