Learn to say NO: do you know how to deny yourself?

Say no It can be complicated for many people. If you often answer yes to demands of friendships or work, even if you really know you do not want to do it, if you have a hard time saying no and you usually get into commitments, doing favors constantly, it is more than likely that you do not know say no.

It is a more common problem than it seems and, to which we must pay attention since not knowing how to say does not become one of our biggest enemies.

Why it is hard for us to say no

Saying is not really difficult for many people, let's see what are the causes of this difficulty. How to say NO? There are several reasons why it is hard for us to say NO:


1. A desire to help others and not be selfish. When it is hard for us to say that we can not think that denial is a selfish act.

2. The fear of being rejected and the need to please others. Some people have a great fear of not being accepted by others, are people who often have low self-esteem (this is based on the acceptance of others) and are usually dependent.

3. Fear of confrontation and anger of the other. On many occasions our desire to generate a good climate and not be conflictive, leads us to avoid any confrontation and thereby avoid saying no.

4. Feeling guilty. Sometimes by saying no, we feel responsible for what might happen to the other and we punish ourselves for that decision. In this case we assume as our faults that do not correspond to us.


5. Fear of losing opportunities. This happens especially in work environments, the fear of losing the opportunity forces us to say yes, although we can also observe it in informal relationships, sometimes we want the opportunity to be part of the group, to let us know next time and fear to lose that opportunity pushes us to the yes.

6. Out of respect for the other, we can think that it does not deserve a no and we do not say it.

What happens when we do not know how to say no?

When we do not say that we do not enter into a complicated loop, that inability to say can not and often turns against us, becoming in turn our greatest enemy. When we do not say no, we are always involved in tasks that do not correspond to us, in other people's obligations and we often relegate our interests, obligations and needs to the background. The consequences of all this are more than logical:


- Absence of time for one's own things.

- Upset and feeling of anger, frustration, etc.

- Conflicts in our personal environment: family, academic, work, etc. for neglecting certain important things.

- Low productivity in general. Being occupied in obligations that do not correspond to one, one suffers a detriment of one's obligations.

Learn to say no

Learn to say no It can be complicated, but it is possible and above all necessary, it is not about denying everything by system, but about being able to set clear limits and know how to establish our priorities.

1. Know yourself, be clear about your objectives, interests and needs. Keep in mind that these should be at the top of your list of tasks or things to do, as they are necessary for your well-being.

2. Instead of dealing with other things and the time that you spare to your things, try to do the opposite and you will see the change, take care first of your things and the time that you over others.

3. Learn to set limits to others. Change your thoughts: you are not selfish because you do not do everything that others ask you, you do not have to feel guilty, you are not losing any future opportunities and you do not need to please anyone.

4. Work your self-esteem. in this way you will please yourself and you will not need to please anyone.

5. Proof with progressive approaches to no: start by saying I'll think about it, or let me see if it suits me, etc.

6. Analyze the situations in which you most like to say that you do not, the type of person, situation, request, etc. It will be a great help to face it.

Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educate and Learn Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.

Video: Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV


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