Emotional dependence on the couple: their dangers
Love that beautiful feeling, that emotion that can with everything and that makes us feel good and keeps us united to the person we love. But what happens when the affection experienced in the couple, the relationship that begins lovingly, becomes a affective dependence, in a need to be with the other, so as not to feel alone or unsuccessful in our social life?
Emotional dependence on the couple
The Emotional dependence is a type of excessive attachment towards the other person. This excessive attachment can occur in any human relationship, and therefore also in the couple. In fact, it is the bosom of the couple where this pattern of dependence, of excessive attachment, is most frequent.
Causes of emotional dependence on the couple
1. Dependence arises because of a need to be loved. But if we look for what is behind that need we will find low self-esteem. He who loves little himself needs others to love him, to feel worthy of love. Having a partner is the greatest proof, for oneself, that one is worthy of love. The couple is someone who is not from the family of origin, someone who would not have to love me, but he loves me because he chooses it. Thanks to that, I can prove to myself that I am worthy of love. And this feeds, at least apparently self-esteem.
2. Emotional dependence becomes a labyrinth, in a prison from which it is difficult to leave because it is often confused with true love. Because we get different messages fruits of the myth of romantic love that are not always easy to interpret: on the one hand they teach us that we must fight for love and for the couple, on the other hand they tell us that every relationship goes through different stages of love. ..
3. Emotional dependence feeds on social and cultural conventions. We live in a society in which we are bombarded with the message that having a partner is good, it is what is necessary to be happy. From our closest relatives, to our friends, going through different means ... Arriving at an age being single or unmarried is not well seen socially, being a "bachelor" or an "old maid" (the same term already has a negative connotation) , is synonymous with being a failure. Socially we insist with the idea that having a partner is synonymous with success and happiness.
The dangers of emotional dependence on the couple
Emotional dependence is a great enemy to any relationship of a couple. Love must be based on a free choice and not on a need for esteem. When emotional dependence appears, in many cases love is destroyed and the consequences are very negative for both members.
- Emotional dependence keeps us in dysfunctional relationships.
- Emotional dependence is the cause of many people staying in relationships that make us happy. And as a result of this they suffer an important emotional discomfort.
- Emotional dependence contributes to dysfunctional patterns like infidelities.
- Emotional dependence leads to other problems of a more serious nature like the violence in the couple, the mistreatment, etc.
How can we act in the face of emotional dependence on the couple
Emotional dependence on the couple It is the result of social myths derived from romantic love and therefore is everyone's business.
- It is very important that we all change our mentality and that we stop insisting on our friends or single family members.
- The media have a very important role, to transmit cultural values that show different types of love, that are not based on dependence.
- Each one on a personal level, analyze their values and principles, those beliefs strongly rooted in relationship relationships. Perhaps the time has come to question it, to ask ourselves what is true, and above all, why do we believe them as universal truths?
- Above all, it is not about separating ourselves from our partners to the first complication, but about learning to recognize emotional dependency and wanting without depending. And not keep in relationships that are not good because of dependency.
Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.
