Couple: how to overcome emotional dependence
The human being is social by nature, needs to relate and establish emotional ties with others to develop and for their well-being. However, on certain occasions the relationship with the other becomes a emotional dependence, which leads to asymmetric interactions and insane links.
Emotional dependence it is a kind of attachment to the other person, an exaggerated affective need that gives rise to very close interpersonal relationships in an attempt to fill and cover that need. When you need to feel that others are happy with yourself to be happy, when you are afraid to offend others and lose their affection, and it is very difficult to say no to the other, we are facing emotional dependence. In the couple, overcoming emotional dependence is possible, We can all change and establish more healthy and satisfactory relationships and relationships.
Emotional dependence and its characteristics
Emotional dependence is more common than we can think. It is a determined pattern of attachment that is characterized by:
- An excessive hitch did the other person.
- Need to please others and feel accepted and loved to feel good about oneself.
- Happiness and well-being depend on the other person and his affection.
Causes of emotional dependence
The pattern of attachment is a set of behaviors, emotions and beliefs that we develop in our relationships with others. Our way of understanding the relationship, our way of feeling in a relationship and the behaviors we carry out determine our pattern of attachment.
But, how do we develop different patterns of attachment? Some people develop attachment patterns, based on healthy and secure attachment relationships, but others instead develop attachment styles, anxious and insecure that are responsible for the emotional dependence. The patterns of attachment develop in early childhood, in the midst of the first interactions.
- When the person feels and feels loved, he has the security of the affection of his close people and will not need to constantly demonstrate it.
- On the other hand when the person does not perceive safety in the affection of their attachment figures, develops anxiety and insecurity. He will need constant affection and will tend to cover that need by seeking and developing an excessive attachment.
How can we know if we have emotional dependence
Emotional dependence, like any dependency is linked to an addiction process. Emotional dependence consists of an extreme need, not to the other person, but to their affection. Perceive the affection of the other person generates well-being and provides security and therefore tends to look for that feeling. Some features of people with emotional dependence are the following:
- Low self-esteem.
- Need for affection.
- Exaggerated attempts to please the other. They put the wishes of the other before their own
own.
- Guilt but the other is content.
- Dependence is a pattern, therefore most likely, is that during life has developed more than a dependence on relatives, friends, couples, etc.
- They engage in asymmetric relationships, normally the dependent person accepts humiliations and contempt and emotional blackmail and is unable to end the relationship.
- They think they can not live without the other.
- They are afraid to bother the other person and lose their affection.
- They usually present anxiety problems or depression in the face of ruptures or with the simple idea of rupture.
- They have a submissive role, They have great difficulty saying no.
- You can not be alone, tend to unite some relationships with others.
Consequences of emotional dependence
Emotional dependence leads to insane, asymmetric relationships, in which one often takes advantage and dominates the other. This type of relationship is insane and, contrary to what the dependent person believes, generates discomfort. It is very important to develop your own individuality and be able to share it with your partner, learn to be one, to be two and be a couple. Getting out of emotional dependence is possible and necessary.
Keys to overcome emotional dependence
1. Recognize and accept the problem. It is the most difficult step, but also the most important one. Realizing that the problem is one's own is the key to change.
2. Start thinking about yourself. In the things that you like and dislike to you and in the amount of things you do to please the other. For this you can make a list and propose to do some of the things on the list every day.
3. Strengthen your self-esteem. Love yourself and do not force others to do it. Affection is an emotion that is created, but can not be imposed. A healthy self-esteem is the basis of healthy and balanced relationships. Remember that you do not need anyone to love you, and that they will not always want you as you want.
4. Learn to be alone, do not be afraid to be alone. Find moments or personal development activities that you have to do alone.
Celia Rodríguez Ruiz. Clinical health psychologist. Specialist in pedagogy and child and youth psychology. Director of Educa and Learn. Author of the collection Stimulate Reading and Writing Processes.
